As far as I can tell from what I've heard, divorce is a difficult time to get through and many need months to get back to the point where they are ready to start dating again. While we can all cope with solitude it is not a good idea to live alone for too long.
As far as my situation is concerned, I don't think I have yet arrived at the relationship phase yet. The media try to tell us that the normal way is to date, get married and have kids. Even grown adults who are married actually believe this. I can't see how this is supposed to work. I mean I'm sure there are exceptions, but as we mature and wise up we become more careful and actually think before we act. Hormones alone do not guide our actions anymore. I don't see how you can build up a friendship without building up trust and a certain amount of complicity first. Even short flings on the job certainly contain a period that allowed both parties to get to know each other at least a little bit. Even if Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie met on a set, there must have been some sort of time where they had to get to know each other first, even if it was just measured in nanoseconds (me Tarzan, you Jane?!). :D
That really was a good article. Funny, but with some really good points being made. What I've learned from my breakup is communication... if you don't talk things won't work. And I don't mean general chat like "how was your day honey blaa blaa". Actually talking about real things, being comfortable talking about everything and anything. We never did and paid the price. Learned the hard way for sure. Won't be making that mistake again.
Speaking of divorce, a friend of mine has been crashing at mine since thursday last week as his wife kicked him out. They have 3 kids. I won't go into reasons as its complicated and personal obviously. But it was not looking good at all. Not a nice situation, especially for the kids. But tonight they seem to have had a go at sorting things out and he's moving back in which is great.
I think what can be hard to learn is knowing when to stop chasing and move on. I've made too many silly decisions to keep chasing when its been a waste of time. If they're not interested move along to the next target. My major issue at the moment is my work life balance makes it very difficult to meet people. With a 4hr commute everyday the only place to meet any one is at work really. And with the wedding car biz picking up (which is great obviously) my weekends are pretty busy. All work and no play though. So I guess the only option then is to consider the online scene again. Hmmm will have to think about that one.
Social expectation does place a lot of pressure alright. If your not married or haven't got a person on your arm there has to be something wrong... I hate that pressure. A couple of weeks ago while out with some work colleagues one of the managers asked me why was I still single with all the women about at work. She's asked me this a few times actually (think she's looking out for me which is nice). And I had no answer apart from shrugging my shoulders. And I can't think of a reason. After nearly 10 months being single I would have thought something might have come along. Not even a single date. Its not easy being patient and going from day to day, week to week, month to month with nothing on the horizon. Yeah ok sometimes life can surprise you. But I get quite cynical about such things. Forcing the issue and trying too hard isn't good obviously but if you do nothing then time just passes you by and you miss out on experiencing things.
But then I think screw it why bother wasting time running around like a dog on heat. As you said Shadowdancer its a game to most of em. And yeah all this equal rights malarky and we have to buy all the drinks :D So I say meh to that!
My last relationship was with Phi and that ended six years ago. Since then, there have been other girls I've had varying degrees of interest in but nothing that worked out into anything long term.
It was very discouraging and I reached the point where I just didn't care about any of that anymore. I had a really good friend who was a girl but we had nothing romantic going on, we just spent a lot of time together. Then toward the end of last year she accused me of planning to steal her from her boyfriend (not true and I know he was completely comfortable with me around, he had told me as much a week before) and hasn't spoken to me since.
It made me feel like, even though I was avoiding romantic relationships, they still manage to cause problems for me. Frustrating.
ShadowDancerWhen I say, "Why aye, gadgie," in my heart I say, "Och aye, laddie."London, UK
My last relationship was 4 years ago now, and since then I've been on maybe 2 dates, only to find out a week later she was also seeing some other guy. After that, I'm really too fed up to try again.
You're right Falcon1, there is just this expectation that as you get older you shouldn't be single. I'm only 26, but I do look a bit older, and at work they just can't believe I'm not married with kids. They just can't seem to understand why I'm not at all bothered by this. Sure it'd be nice to have someone to come home to at night, but every time I let someone close enough to try, it always ends badly, so now I don't bother trying. If they want to get close then they have to work at it, because I'm fed up of doing all the work
ShadowDancerWhen I say, "Why aye, gadgie," in my heart I say, "Och aye, laddie."London, UK
Uh, I'm not looking for my Delenn... a healthy human female will do just fine, thank you very much. ;) In fact, if you happen to be someone like a Delenn and be looking for a mate, please do not contact me because I plan to live forever. :D
Hmm tough one Worf. So you did something wrong even though you didn't do something wrong :confused: Seems that friendship was destined to crash and burn regardless which is a shame. I've been in a few situations like that which always get complicated. You want to be friends but at the same time maintain enough distance to not give the wrong idea and bring on a beating from mr boyfriend. I always find girls already spoken for are really easy to get on with. There are 3 women at work I'm quite close too, really good friends. All 3 are married. Annoyingly all 3 are the kind of girls you'd love to take home to meet the parents.
Shadowdancer I can't believe your work colleagues think that! Come on this is not our parents era where if you weren't married by 21 the neighbours started talking. For me its a bit harder now as most of my friends are married, getting married, kids on the way. Everyone seems to be settling down. And doing the wedding business rubs it in a bit more. Cynical me driving these happy love struck people to their wedding! Bah humbug :D Well on the plus side some of the bridesmaids can be nice :P Btw that girl who was seeing someone else, well thats low. Best far away from that sort mate.
Oh and your last post dude… so eloquent :D What it boils down to in the end haaa!!
ShadowDancerWhen I say, "Why aye, gadgie," in my heart I say, "Och aye, laddie."London, UK
What can I say? I've a way with words! :p
No, they really are like that at work. I think its because it's a female dominated profession, the vast majority of whom are all either in long term relationships/engaged/married +/- kids. There are roughly 20 guys and 50 women in our department. Of the women, about 20 are "within the ball park", and 4 of them are single. Of them, there's one possible, tho I ain't holding my breath.
And also as I am frequently told, I'm a "nice" guy and I should have a "nice" girlfriend or wife by now. I think they miss the point that being called "nice" is the kiss of death for any potential relationships there may have been. Ask any girl about a nice guy and their reply always goes "well he's a nice guy, but....."
Women don't want nice guys, thats what it comes down to. Therefore I am happily turning into a grumpy old bastard in response, altho sadly it has yet to pay any dividends!
I'm sure thats what the ladies say Shadowdancer! :D
Only 4 single doesn't make for rich pickings.
Don't get me started on the "nice guy" thing. God I've heard that so many times. I've also had "your like a brother to me"... So then I'm fancing my sister?! Bah and gag!!! One of my friends told me that when women are younger they don't go for nice guys as they like the adventure and risk of going out with the asshole who treats them like crap. Then when they get older they realise they want the nice guy. Doesn't make a whole lot of sense really. So that means we nice guys have to wait until they get old... doesn't sound like a good deal to me. So with ya on the grumpy git approach ;)
ShadowDancerWhen I say, "Why aye, gadgie," in my heart I say, "Och aye, laddie."London, UK
I'd say my other problem is that by nature I tend to be risk and adventure averse. Sure I'll go out on the town and have a laugh over some pints, play pc games, go walking and camping....nothing that's really that risky or exciting, but I'm not prepared to change myself or my ways to be someone Im not as anything based on that wouldn't be me and be doomed to failure.
Thusly I justify doing what I want to do, when I want to do it ;)
You know, I've been thinking about a good analogy for a relationship between two people and I guess only two come to my mind, one is sexual and the other I am going to discuss here. ;)
Think of a relationship as a space program, like the mission to land a (hew)man on our moon. :D That's how I feel like. I keep building that huge rocket to get there, bit by bit, piece by piece. It's a marathon, not a 100-yard race.
The good news is, we are seeing each other once or twice a week and we communicate with each other every day. We mainly use short text messages, because we both work and it's the least obtrusive yet most convenient way to stay in touch as we both have jobs with somewhat different schedules.
This is not the way my parents were starting their relationship and that's why they (or at least my mother) have a somewhat difficult time understanding how my current relationship is progressing. As I see it, you can't cut corners. When you meet a total stranger, you need to get to know that other person, see if you are on the same wave length, if you are compatible at all, if you like each other's company. The next step is building up a friendship. It takes time, it takes a lot of communication, exchange of ideas, opinions, support, care to build up trust and eventually love. In the beginning going on a date is not as much fun because you are nervous, you don't know what to say, you don't know how to behave and you are afraid to be yourself. As time goes by and you keep meeting that person over and over again, familiarity sets in and you become more and more comfortable in the other's presence and you enjoy the company a lot more. You also get to talk about things a lot more, because you know what the other person is going through and the other person knows what you are going through every day. This complicity is also something that needs to be built from the ground up. There are no shortcuts (that I know of), all that is required is time and tender loving care.
At least that's how it has been for me so far and things are looking good.
Don't ask me at what stage I am with my rocket launch, I have no idea yet, but I always keep an eye on the prize. ;)
ShadowDancerWhen I say, "Why aye, gadgie," in my heart I say, "Och aye, laddie."London, UK
Using that analogy, I've had to rebuild my launch pad numerous times after frequent explosions!
That said, I think there might now be an outside chance with that one at work but still not holding my breath!
I'd say it's a joint venture (the parents taking on the role of NASA). :D I am just amazed by what I read in some relationship and dating sections on various websites of what it is you are supposed to do or what is supposed to happen. While some of the advice regarding good manners and etiquette still applies in today's online-centric world, I'm a bit surprised about what you are expected to do as a guy.
For one thing, it's apparently considered ultra romantic to pick up your date from her place. I'd say that's completely old-fashioned and quite inappropriate or creepy in the early stages of a relationship. In my neck of the woods, respect (of privacy) is a two-way lane. Most people my age are independent and have their own means of transportation. Picking her up would take away some of that independence. If not otherwise specified, I'd say it's more a matter of reacting correctly to a given situation. We are not talking highschool dates here (maybe they are in those articles).
And then they go on to say that you should not pick the dishes at the restaurant dinner table for her. Again, this is something that should be left to the appreciation of the people involved. We always decide together, we pick two dishes we are interested in and then we narrow it down to one and tell the staff. At some point one has to go with the flow and let things happen.
And then there's that talk about picking up the tab at the end of a dinner. It's simple, I picked up the first one (I insisted), the next date she insisted on paying and we've alternated ever since. I do try to remember who paid last time so as not to make her pay twice in a row, which has happened, I think. I want her to know that it is as much my pleasure to see her, as it is hers.
I suppose those date articles are fine to make you consider certain aspects with respect to dates and relationships in general, but nothing is set in stone. Some of the stuff they write about seems to me is taken more out of the realm of Hollywood than reality. Some guys and gals are more shy than others, but I doubt you can skip over certain phases after you met a total stranger and get away with it. I'm not inclined to take any chances to ruin everything.
Things are still progressing nicely. I think it's a good omen that we both unsubscribed from the online dating service where we met each other. At least we both did it on purpose and for the right reasons, we are done searching. :) I'm glad I didn't give up after my first two failed attempts and neither should you, if you are still looking.
I totally agree, that's my experience as well. This realisation can be extended to every topic. Everyone is a critic and an expert, especially on those websites. I'm just trying to figure out where I am and whether I am on the right track. I try to remain open minded and sometimes I am frustrated because I feel like I am making baby steps. I am trying to be patient and I guess it is paying off, so far. To use the rocket analogy, the main engines appear to have ignited, everything is shaking, but we haven't left the launch pad yet. ;) Something needs to blow up the bolts that keep the rocket attached to the pad. I guess I will see it when we get there.
ShadowDancerWhen I say, "Why aye, gadgie," in my heart I say, "Och aye, laddie."London, UK
the trouble with perfect romances is they are expected to lead to perfect marriages, and there's definitely no such thing as the perfect marriage.
I'm trying to keep my expectations and hopes real. I don't believe most of the hype and build up my relationship brick by brick. I'm just surprised that people who should know better actually believe the propaganda spread by the media.
Biggles<font color=#AAFFAA>The Man Without a Face</font>
[QUOTE=Stingray;194047]I'm just trying to figure out where I am and whether I am on the right track.[/QUOTE]
There are only two people in existence who can tell you if you are on the right track. If reading those sorts of websites helps you feel better about decisions you make, that's a good thing. It gives you more confidence. Just don't rely on them for any real advice. :p
Hehe, here I am trying to scientifically approach a relationship by using methodical solutions used by others and proven over many many years to figure out something which probably isn't based on logic or reason.
For I know the mind is ill equipped to understand matters of the heart. The websites give me pointers, because no one else in my immediate proximity does. My parents are no help at all. I occasionally discuss it with colleagues at work and all I learn through those discussions is that everyone is different indeed.
A friend of mine recently went out with a guy, Sam. They had a good time, smooched a little, and went their separate ways for the night. So, the seed was planted for a second date at the very least.
But Sam's mistakes turned a promising situation into a bad one very quickly. You can find a list of his infractions below. Let me know which one (or more) is a deal breaker for you:
[B]1. General Psycho Behavior[/B]
Allison woke up Sunday morning to a 7:30 "Good Morning Beautiful" text. Unless he was up at 5AM, it looked like Sam immediately texted Allison as soon as he woke up. That's a bit over-eager.
[B]2. Seizing Poetic License on Pet Names[/B]
In the first text after the kiss night, it's a little strange to be dropping nicknames, even if it's something as general as "beautiful". It pushes things beyond casual way too fast.
[B]3. Text Novels[/B]
Sam's texts shattered character limits. Allison would routinely receive 3-5 long texts in a row, all connected ramblings.
[B]4. Over-Aggressive Texting[/B]
Sam wasn't keen on giving Allison much time to answer his texts before he was on the attack again.
[B]5. Forcing a Date[/B]
Early on in his text assault, Sam asked Allison to get together during the upcoming week. But Allison said she was busy at work and offered to set something up for the next week. Instead of respecting her wishes, Sam fired back with "Well, I was really hoping to see you before the weekend."
[B]6. Making A Woman Feel Wrong For How She Feels[/B]
It didn't take long for Sam's intense texting to turn Allison off. She politely explained that he was coming on a little strong but wanted to remain friends. Instead of accepting Allison's words, Sam argued that he wasn't a game player (implying that Allison was interested in games).
[B]7. Inadvertent Insults[/B]
After accusing Allison of being a game-player, Sam went on to explain that he was a "grown man interested in a deep committed relationship." He instructed her to let him know if she was ever interested in the same. Allison came away from this exchange feeling like he called her a whore.
[B]8. Hubris and Glibness[/B]
After the ordeal was over and Sam finally accepted he lost his grip on a chance at another date (and reality), he finished it off by texting that he "never had this happen before." What a stud he must be. Judging by his behavior, it was pretty easy for Allison to glean that he has probably been through this quite often.
So there you have it: eight infractions inside of a couple days of texting. Which of these do you think is the worst, and at what point would you be fed up? I explained to Allison that she should have been freaked out by the 7:30AM text, but hindsight is 20/20. So what are your thoughts? What is the worst text or texting infraction you've received from a guy?
Another useless article to those armed with eyes, ears and a fistful of neurons. I see a pattern here. Someone who acts like this brute described above lacks certain affinities in matters of mutual respect, tact and care which should be somewhat obvious to someone with half a brain.
In this case the author claims it was after a first date. You'd have to be a complete idiot to act like that. But then reality is often stranger than fiction. :D
ShadowDancerWhen I say, "Why aye, gadgie," in my heart I say, "Och aye, laddie."London, UK
One thing had me LOL the other day. You know how the waiters make you taste a fresh bottle of wine right after they open it in front of you? Well, what point is there for doing so for dating couples who took care to have a minty breath by brushing their teeth a short while before to be able to leave fresh kisses to their loved one's cheeks or elsewhere?!
Ok, so they don't know everyone brushes their teeth before going for dinner, but all I can taste is that it's a liquid vaguely tasting of wine. All fine flavor details, good or bad, are covered by the fresh taste of mint.
I guess the act of tasting the wine sets a restaurant apart from a diner, but not much else. :D
Still dating my girl!! :)
ShadowDancerWhen I say, "Why aye, gadgie," in my heart I say, "Och aye, laddie."London, UK
I find myself in the highly unusual position of going on a blind date tomorrow. We've been chatting via SMS for the last 4 or 5 days, and going for a few quiet drinks tomorrow night. All I really know is that shes a physiologist in the same health trust as me, and according to her ID picture on the internal staff directory, not bad looking at all.
Good luck. Im still sorting out my mess. Cant say I really feel like I could move on yet. On the other hand, the loneliness is getting out of control. :(
Not being ready to move on makes the loneliness worse :(
It may not seem like it now but you are wise to wait. Finding someone, anyone, now to make the pain go away will just end up with more hurt when you realise it may not be someone you really want to be with.
Comments
As far as my situation is concerned, I don't think I have yet arrived at the relationship phase yet. The media try to tell us that the normal way is to date, get married and have kids. Even grown adults who are married actually believe this. I can't see how this is supposed to work. I mean I'm sure there are exceptions, but as we mature and wise up we become more careful and actually think before we act. Hormones alone do not guide our actions anymore. I don't see how you can build up a friendship without building up trust and a certain amount of complicity first. Even short flings on the job certainly contain a period that allowed both parties to get to know each other at least a little bit. Even if Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie met on a set, there must have been some sort of time where they had to get to know each other first, even if it was just measured in nanoseconds (me Tarzan, you Jane?!). :D
Speaking of divorce, a friend of mine has been crashing at mine since thursday last week as his wife kicked him out. They have 3 kids. I won't go into reasons as its complicated and personal obviously. But it was not looking good at all. Not a nice situation, especially for the kids. But tonight they seem to have had a go at sorting things out and he's moving back in which is great.
I think what can be hard to learn is knowing when to stop chasing and move on. I've made too many silly decisions to keep chasing when its been a waste of time. If they're not interested move along to the next target. My major issue at the moment is my work life balance makes it very difficult to meet people. With a 4hr commute everyday the only place to meet any one is at work really. And with the wedding car biz picking up (which is great obviously) my weekends are pretty busy. All work and no play though. So I guess the only option then is to consider the online scene again. Hmmm will have to think about that one.
Social expectation does place a lot of pressure alright. If your not married or haven't got a person on your arm there has to be something wrong... I hate that pressure. A couple of weeks ago while out with some work colleagues one of the managers asked me why was I still single with all the women about at work. She's asked me this a few times actually (think she's looking out for me which is nice). And I had no answer apart from shrugging my shoulders. And I can't think of a reason. After nearly 10 months being single I would have thought something might have come along. Not even a single date. Its not easy being patient and going from day to day, week to week, month to month with nothing on the horizon. Yeah ok sometimes life can surprise you. But I get quite cynical about such things. Forcing the issue and trying too hard isn't good obviously but if you do nothing then time just passes you by and you miss out on experiencing things.
But then I think screw it why bother wasting time running around like a dog on heat. As you said Shadowdancer its a game to most of em. And yeah all this equal rights malarky and we have to buy all the drinks :D So I say meh to that!
It was very discouraging and I reached the point where I just didn't care about any of that anymore. I had a really good friend who was a girl but we had nothing romantic going on, we just spent a lot of time together. Then toward the end of last year she accused me of planning to steal her from her boyfriend (not true and I know he was completely comfortable with me around, he had told me as much a week before) and hasn't spoken to me since.
It made me feel like, even though I was avoiding romantic relationships, they still manage to cause problems for me. Frustrating.
You're right Falcon1, there is just this expectation that as you get older you shouldn't be single. I'm only 26, but I do look a bit older, and at work they just can't believe I'm not married with kids. They just can't seem to understand why I'm not at all bothered by this. Sure it'd be nice to have someone to come home to at night, but every time I let someone close enough to try, it always ends badly, so now I don't bother trying. If they want to get close then they have to work at it, because I'm fed up of doing all the work
Shadowdancer I can't believe your work colleagues think that! Come on this is not our parents era where if you weren't married by 21 the neighbours started talking. For me its a bit harder now as most of my friends are married, getting married, kids on the way. Everyone seems to be settling down. And doing the wedding business rubs it in a bit more. Cynical me driving these happy love struck people to their wedding! Bah humbug :D Well on the plus side some of the bridesmaids can be nice :P Btw that girl who was seeing someone else, well thats low. Best far away from that sort mate.
Oh and your last post dude… so eloquent :D What it boils down to in the end haaa!!
No, they really are like that at work. I think its because it's a female dominated profession, the vast majority of whom are all either in long term relationships/engaged/married +/- kids. There are roughly 20 guys and 50 women in our department. Of the women, about 20 are "within the ball park", and 4 of them are single. Of them, there's one possible, tho I ain't holding my breath.
And also as I am frequently told, I'm a "nice" guy and I should have a "nice" girlfriend or wife by now. I think they miss the point that being called "nice" is the kiss of death for any potential relationships there may have been. Ask any girl about a nice guy and their reply always goes "well he's a nice guy, but....."
Women don't want nice guys, thats what it comes down to. Therefore I am happily turning into a grumpy old bastard in response, altho sadly it has yet to pay any dividends!
ShadowDancer, that's why I keep showing you a certain photo collection, I'm trying to do you a favor :)
Only 4 single doesn't make for rich pickings.
Don't get me started on the "nice guy" thing. God I've heard that so many times. I've also had "your like a brother to me"... So then I'm fancing my sister?! Bah and gag!!! One of my friends told me that when women are younger they don't go for nice guys as they like the adventure and risk of going out with the asshole who treats them like crap. Then when they get older they realise they want the nice guy. Doesn't make a whole lot of sense really. So that means we nice guys have to wait until they get old... doesn't sound like a good deal to me. So with ya on the grumpy git approach ;)
Thusly I justify doing what I want to do, when I want to do it ;)
Think of a relationship as a space program, like the mission to land a (hew)man on our moon. :D That's how I feel like. I keep building that huge rocket to get there, bit by bit, piece by piece. It's a marathon, not a 100-yard race.
The good news is, we are seeing each other once or twice a week and we communicate with each other every day. We mainly use short text messages, because we both work and it's the least obtrusive yet most convenient way to stay in touch as we both have jobs with somewhat different schedules.
This is not the way my parents were starting their relationship and that's why they (or at least my mother) have a somewhat difficult time understanding how my current relationship is progressing. As I see it, you can't cut corners. When you meet a total stranger, you need to get to know that other person, see if you are on the same wave length, if you are compatible at all, if you like each other's company. The next step is building up a friendship. It takes time, it takes a lot of communication, exchange of ideas, opinions, support, care to build up trust and eventually love. In the beginning going on a date is not as much fun because you are nervous, you don't know what to say, you don't know how to behave and you are afraid to be yourself. As time goes by and you keep meeting that person over and over again, familiarity sets in and you become more and more comfortable in the other's presence and you enjoy the company a lot more. You also get to talk about things a lot more, because you know what the other person is going through and the other person knows what you are going through every day. This complicity is also something that needs to be built from the ground up. There are no shortcuts (that I know of), all that is required is time and tender loving care.
At least that's how it has been for me so far and things are looking good.
Don't ask me at what stage I am with my rocket launch, I have no idea yet, but I always keep an eye on the prize. ;)
That said, I think there might now be an outside chance with that one at work but still not holding my breath!
For one thing, it's apparently considered ultra romantic to pick up your date from her place. I'd say that's completely old-fashioned and quite inappropriate or creepy in the early stages of a relationship. In my neck of the woods, respect (of privacy) is a two-way lane. Most people my age are independent and have their own means of transportation. Picking her up would take away some of that independence. If not otherwise specified, I'd say it's more a matter of reacting correctly to a given situation. We are not talking highschool dates here (maybe they are in those articles).
And then they go on to say that you should not pick the dishes at the restaurant dinner table for her. Again, this is something that should be left to the appreciation of the people involved. We always decide together, we pick two dishes we are interested in and then we narrow it down to one and tell the staff. At some point one has to go with the flow and let things happen.
And then there's that talk about picking up the tab at the end of a dinner. It's simple, I picked up the first one (I insisted), the next date she insisted on paying and we've alternated ever since. I do try to remember who paid last time so as not to make her pay twice in a row, which has happened, I think. I want her to know that it is as much my pleasure to see her, as it is hers.
I suppose those date articles are fine to make you consider certain aspects with respect to dates and relationships in general, but nothing is set in stone. Some of the stuff they write about seems to me is taken more out of the realm of Hollywood than reality. Some guys and gals are more shy than others, but I doubt you can skip over certain phases after you met a total stranger and get away with it. I'm not inclined to take any chances to ruin everything.
Things are still progressing nicely. I think it's a good omen that we both unsubscribed from the online dating service where we met each other. At least we both did it on purpose and for the right reasons, we are done searching. :) I'm glad I didn't give up after my first two failed attempts and neither should you, if you are still looking.
But the truth is there's no such thing because everyone is different.
There are only two people in existence who can tell you if you are on the right track. If reading those sorts of websites helps you feel better about decisions you make, that's a good thing. It gives you more confidence. Just don't rely on them for any real advice. :p
For I know the mind is ill equipped to understand matters of the heart. The websites give me pointers, because no one else in my immediate proximity does. My parents are no help at all. I occasionally discuss it with colleagues at work and all I learn through those discussions is that everyone is different indeed.
A friend of mine recently went out with a guy, Sam. They had a good time, smooched a little, and went their separate ways for the night. So, the seed was planted for a second date at the very least.
But Sam's mistakes turned a promising situation into a bad one very quickly. You can find a list of his infractions below. Let me know which one (or more) is a deal breaker for you:
[B]1. General Psycho Behavior[/B]
Allison woke up Sunday morning to a 7:30 "Good Morning Beautiful" text. Unless he was up at 5AM, it looked like Sam immediately texted Allison as soon as he woke up. That's a bit over-eager.
[B]2. Seizing Poetic License on Pet Names[/B]
In the first text after the kiss night, it's a little strange to be dropping nicknames, even if it's something as general as "beautiful". It pushes things beyond casual way too fast.
[B]3. Text Novels[/B]
Sam's texts shattered character limits. Allison would routinely receive 3-5 long texts in a row, all connected ramblings.
[B]4. Over-Aggressive Texting[/B]
Sam wasn't keen on giving Allison much time to answer his texts before he was on the attack again.
[B]5. Forcing a Date[/B]
Early on in his text assault, Sam asked Allison to get together during the upcoming week. But Allison said she was busy at work and offered to set something up for the next week. Instead of respecting her wishes, Sam fired back with "Well, I was really hoping to see you before the weekend."
[B]6. Making A Woman Feel Wrong For How She Feels[/B]
It didn't take long for Sam's intense texting to turn Allison off. She politely explained that he was coming on a little strong but wanted to remain friends. Instead of accepting Allison's words, Sam argued that he wasn't a game player (implying that Allison was interested in games).
[B]7. Inadvertent Insults[/B]
After accusing Allison of being a game-player, Sam went on to explain that he was a "grown man interested in a deep committed relationship." He instructed her to let him know if she was ever interested in the same. Allison came away from this exchange feeling like he called her a whore.
[B]8. Hubris and Glibness[/B]
After the ordeal was over and Sam finally accepted he lost his grip on a chance at another date (and reality), he finished it off by texting that he "never had this happen before." What a stud he must be. Judging by his behavior, it was pretty easy for Allison to glean that he has probably been through this quite often.
So there you have it: eight infractions inside of a couple days of texting. Which of these do you think is the worst, and at what point would you be fed up? I explained to Allison that she should have been freaked out by the 7:30AM text, but hindsight is 20/20. So what are your thoughts? What is the worst text or texting infraction you've received from a guy?
Source: [url]http://shine.yahoo.com/love-sex/8-texting-miskates-men-184700681.html[/url][/QUOTE]
Another useless article to those armed with eyes, ears and a fistful of neurons. I see a pattern here. Someone who acts like this brute described above lacks certain affinities in matters of mutual respect, tact and care which should be somewhat obvious to someone with half a brain.
In this case the author claims it was after a first date. You'd have to be a complete idiot to act like that. But then reality is often stranger than fiction. :D
Ok, so they don't know everyone brushes their teeth before going for dinner, but all I can taste is that it's a liquid vaguely tasting of wine. All fine flavor details, good or bad, are covered by the fresh taste of mint.
I guess the act of tasting the wine sets a restaurant apart from a diner, but not much else. :D
Still dating my girl!! :)
I'll let you know how it goes!
It may not seem like it now but you are wise to wait. Finding someone, anyone, now to make the pain go away will just end up with more hurt when you realise it may not be someone you really want to be with.