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Request for Witty Assistance
Sanfam
I like clocks.
in Zocalo v2.0
Hey, folks! I've run into an interesting situatuation. I am onboard a project to create "You Fail At Life!" and/or "You Suck At Life!" distributable cards, and I need a creative, witty mind to come up with reasons why/how one would fail/suck at life.
The idea is, these cards would be Magic: The Gathering inspired and would be handed out to people who are miserable examples of humanity, and would feature a headline, an image, and a text body/backstory/additional witty remarks/insults. What we need are, as mentioned above, reasons that someone would earn a card, witty statements with no regard for political correctness. they should be short and simple, hopefully amusing, possibly disturbing, likely offensive. If possible, include a caption that would be used on the card.
Now, these *will* be used in a non-profit low scale production run for the purposes of a class project, so if you do not wish to have your statements reprinted, please do not post here. However, any submission *will* be given credit on the card, and assuming we have enough left over after the run...I might even be able to mail them out to their creators. (no promises, though, and post is expensive lately)
Begin the witstorm!
You Are Dangerously Emo
-- Your Raw, unrestrained emotion and poor taste in music even makes those around you want to end it all.
The idea is, these cards would be Magic: The Gathering inspired and would be handed out to people who are miserable examples of humanity, and would feature a headline, an image, and a text body/backstory/additional witty remarks/insults. What we need are, as mentioned above, reasons that someone would earn a card, witty statements with no regard for political correctness. they should be short and simple, hopefully amusing, possibly disturbing, likely offensive. If possible, include a caption that would be used on the card.
Now, these *will* be used in a non-profit low scale production run for the purposes of a class project, so if you do not wish to have your statements reprinted, please do not post here. However, any submission *will* be given credit on the card, and assuming we have enough left over after the run...I might even be able to mail them out to their creators. (no promises, though, and post is expensive lately)
Begin the witstorm!
You Are Dangerously Emo
-- Your Raw, unrestrained emotion and poor taste in music even makes those around you want to end it all.
Comments
You're lack of basic hygene has ostricised you from scociety. Your girlfriend's name ends with .jpg
You Are l33t Uber H4xx0r
You have spent countless hours masquerading as a female night elf. Owned and "LOL are now part of your spoken vocabulary.
You Are Uwe Boll
You think highly of yourself, and resort to physical violence to prove your points. But it doesn't change that you still fail at everything you do.
Not only did you take your mom to the prom, you had to pay her $20.
You live in a fantasy world
unable to cope with scociety, you have holed up in a fantasy world where you can pretend your lvl 60 warlock actually matters.
Only in America... :D
Why don't you start a YouTube or something. ;)
As for popularity, if this actually turns out to be popular, then mass production could certainly be considered, including some form of royalties. Legitimacy has its benefits.
You Are Dangerously Emo (Refined)
- You are so emo, you make others want to cut themselves.
You Are An Idiot
- Common sense is not your forte
You Are A Lazy SOB (needs refinement)
- You have the agility of a fat, pregnant cow.
You Should STFU (lame header)
- You shouldn't talk shit, it makes your breath smell.
Needed:
Wiggas, Religious Zealots (:p), Politics, "My Side Is Better Than Yours", Rich Folk, Northerner, Southerner, Canadian, American, Poor Folk, Preppy, Australian, Bitch, Asshole, etc.
You have enough money to end hunger in your community, Donate much needed classrooms to your local school, and buy poor wendy the iron lung she needs to survive, but instead spend the money on your wife's SUV, your daughter's cocaine habit and your collection of stuffed mushrooms.
- You wouldn't know the meaning of loyalty if someone hit you in the face with a dictionary.
Worf
- Don't even ask me to explain it, you arn't worth my time.
Keep them coming!
You are old and backwards
- DONT TOUCH THAT COMPUTER! Your age is catching up to you. So old you call the remote a clicker and couches a davenports (sp). You are so far behind and backwards from everyone else you can't even put your pants on the right way anymore. HA! Made you look.
You are a bitch
No, I take that back, you mother isn't as low as you. Please trade this for the Cunt card.
[B]You Are l33t Uber H4xx0r
You have spent countless hours masquerading as a female night elf. Owned and "LOL are now part of your spoken vocabulary.
[/B][/QUOTE]
That should be Pwned.. :p
You are crazy!
- Ah, it all makes sense now.
Get a job!
-Because masturbating all day really aint as industrious as you think.
Get a life!
-And no, it doesnt cost 1 mana.
You are a sinner!
-And Im proud of you, son.
You are truly a believer!
-And I believe I shall have to smite you for it.
You are truly a believer!
-Just the wrong kind..
You are truly a believer!
-So STFU, I tired of your kind in gradeschool.
Your are a virgin.
-Just like my mother.
you are such a loser if you try to hit the ground you'd miss
Sucking cock doesn't make you gay, Thinking of guys while your pounding your wife's ass is what makes you gay.
delete as needed
You are the suckiest suck that ever sucked.
You are despised.
People use you for their ultimate gain and then discard you like a used tampon.
Your life is pointless, in the end you will leave your suicide note on MySpace in the hope that someone will actually bother to read it.
You are Clumsy
Your lack of even basic moter skills results in spilling every drink on your lap, making it look like you lack control on certain other muscles as well.
You are an Extrovert
Your desire for attention has led you to take pictures of yourself and post them online. You Are Tubgirl.
You Fail at Music
You have succeeded in amassing over 10,000 songs in your collection. Unfortunatally, they are all remixes of "Numa Numa".
You are not wanted
You contribute nothing to society. You are always the last one picked. When you were 5, your mother informed you that "You were an opsie".
Your gangsta cloths and poor enlish make others want to ship you back to Africa - Where you will still fail.
You are a Southerner
Your mom gave you chewing tabacco because she didn't want to feed you as a baby. Your hobbies include cowtipping and rusty trucks. Your cousin is your sister.
You are Preppy
Your desire to look cool has blinded you to the fact that you are paying companies large amounts of money to advertise for them.
[B]
You Are Uwe Boll
You think highly of yourself, and resort to physical violence to prove your points. But it doesn't change that you still fail at everything you do. [/B][/QUOTE]
LMAO!! I think this one made me laugh the hardest.
I have a couple for you as well...
[b]You are a Conservative Christian[/b]
Your close mindedness has left you blind to the fact that your also a biggot.
[b]You are John Kerry[/b]
You are so boring that people would do absolutely anything to not have to listen to you.
[b]You are Kenedy[/b]
You have high ambitions, lots of money, a free ride anywhere you go and a family that will burry all your dead hookers for you.
[You are a Baptist[/b]
You would rather tell everyone they are going to hell than lift a finger to help someone in need.
[b]You are a Texan[/b]
Your sheep wish you would at least use a condom.
- You march to the beat of a different drummer. In other words, you are socially inept.
Not only do you take your girlfriend to McDonalds, you abuse the dollar menu when you do.
Not only do you follow the accursed order, you also look the color of vomit.
[b]You are a Texan[/b]
Your sheep wish you would at least use a condom. [/B][/QUOTE]
Shouldn't that be Australian?
[B]You are eccentric
- You march to the beat of a different drummer. In other words, you are socially inept. [/B][/QUOTE]
Modified:
- You march to the beat of a different drummer; only you can hear him and I'll be damned if those are drums.
Eh. I fail. This is why I'm not a writer for it :P
You drive an unnecessarily large SUV that is almost as loud and obnoxious as you are. You feel the world owes you something so consuming over half the planet's natural resources doesn't bother you one bit. You personally have as much debt as some African nations yet continue to charge as if you didn't need to pay it back.
[b]You are a Wigger[/b]
Don't let the fact that you're white and live in the suburbs stop you from adopting a culture with which you've had no contact. Your sideways, straight-brimmed hat, baggy pants, and Fubu tee shirt shows the entire world what a massive tool you really are.
[b]You are a Southerner[/b]
You are still upset that the South lost the Civil War and continue to bitch and moan about it over 140 years later. You chose to ignore the fact that it was fought because of slavery, insisting instead that it was due to "states rights" and "Northern Aggression". Your favorite movie is Birth of a Nation.
Even serial Killers dispise you, the best thing you could do for humanity is die.
The grass is always greener on the other side. Why? Because you have consumed everything on this side of the fence.
- You are so emo, you make others want to cut you themselves.
[/QUOTE]
Fixed that for you.
- All that man juice you've drank just made you fat.
Got pregnant?
- Tough luck, now wash & go.
You're religious.
- Zealots dont go to heaven but are eternally sodomised by the fiery pokers of Mammon.
You're a geek
- And the princess is in another castle.
Your ancestor wasn't a chimp
- Because you haven't gotten that far in the evolutionary ladder yet even.
You are sexy
- After I drink these two cases of beer and blind my eyes with a burning cigarette
You are bald
- Professor Xavier, Captain Picard and Agent 47 are sexy and bald, but you my friend, are not.
I'm sorry.. None of them are witty and I'm at my wits end. I'm despairing from within my boredom. I need to kill more hoboes.
[B]You are a traitor
- You wouldn't know the meaning of loyalty if someone hit you in the face with a dictionary.
Worf [/B][/QUOTE]
i read that and was reminded of that bill bailey sketch:"you a traitor and a member of the rebel alliance!"
wont mean much to most of you, but you should watch bill bailey if you can find anything by him, he's hilarious!
You've succesfully cut off hundreds of cars only to find yourself one foot closer to the red light. You insist that it wasn't your fault despite the fact you literally drove your car strait through the light at 90 mph in your 88 Camaro. You've fucked girls just to brag to your Z friends. And your friends still don't like you. Maybe you've managed to sneak money out of the cash register only to find your mooching friends steal it from you for beer. You passed high school but only to see the college girls and join the nearest frat. You tell most girls your majoring in Business Management, when really your taking Liberal Arts because you failed Auto Mechanics. Nice guys may finish last but you sir won't finish at all.
You are a Z- You tend to hang out with a clique of 4-5 people sometimes this clique can expand to a dozen, a horde, or even throng of posers. Your favorite shirt is a wife beater and your girl's is Dash Board Confessionals. You are equipped with at least 5 piercings all near or on your genitalia. You work at Walmart, and have spent more time masturbating then it took JRR Tolkien to write Lord of the Rings. Your typical answer to a question starts with bro, guy, or babe. You have no clue what an alternator is and thats why it cost you $650 dollars at Rocko's Auto. You drive a Geo Metro. You thought when they mentioned Columbia on the news they were referring to drugs. You stick with the crowd your a Z.
[B]You are a Z- ...You work at Walmart...You drive a Geo Metro... [/B][/QUOTE]
Alright now...
let's not get nasty...
:mad: