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Customer Service FTW?!
Lord Refa
Creepy, but in a good way
in Zocalo v2.0
So.. I've started collecting stories about crazy customers at where I work (until next february) and collecting and editing them into a book.. either a joke book sort of thing or write a novel about an apocalyptic store which is run by the Devil, or some other minor demon (just like where I work!).
I remember that some of us here were working on such that they might have some stories to share as well.. If you want to help write down some of the wacky stories you might have. Here's an example from me..
It's finnish summer, so it's about 15 degrees outside.. then some woman in her 30s comes to my cashier desk.. she starts complaining that it's too cold in our food department, especially close to the coolers and freezers. She says that her neck is going to freeze, and she'll die! She demands that we immedialitely turn up the heat.
Mind you, she was wearing shorts and sleevless top.. Nothing much else.. Gee.. wonder if that had anything to do with the cold?
Another example is when this woman, in her 30s-40s again, started shouting and complaining to me that I had stolen from her. She had bottle return receipt when shopping, and I discounted it from the groceries.. but that wasnt what I was supposed to do (in her mind).. I was supposed to add it to her groceries, which would logically mean that I'd double bill her from those.. oookay.. Took about 10 minutes until that posh crone understood what I was trying to say.. she didnt understand the concept of adding and substracting at all it seemed..
I remember that some of us here were working on such that they might have some stories to share as well.. If you want to help write down some of the wacky stories you might have. Here's an example from me..
It's finnish summer, so it's about 15 degrees outside.. then some woman in her 30s comes to my cashier desk.. she starts complaining that it's too cold in our food department, especially close to the coolers and freezers. She says that her neck is going to freeze, and she'll die! She demands that we immedialitely turn up the heat.
Mind you, she was wearing shorts and sleevless top.. Nothing much else.. Gee.. wonder if that had anything to do with the cold?
Another example is when this woman, in her 30s-40s again, started shouting and complaining to me that I had stolen from her. She had bottle return receipt when shopping, and I discounted it from the groceries.. but that wasnt what I was supposed to do (in her mind).. I was supposed to add it to her groceries, which would logically mean that I'd double bill her from those.. oookay.. Took about 10 minutes until that posh crone understood what I was trying to say.. she didnt understand the concept of adding and substracting at all it seemed..
Comments
[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Lord Refa [/i]
[B]So.. I've started collecting stories about crazy customers at where I work (until next february) and collecting and editing them into a book.. either a joke book sort of thing or write a novel about an apocalyptic store which is run by the Devil, or some other minor demon (just like where I work!).
[/B][/QUOTE]
there's a forum for exactly this thing, if i remember right its [url]www.customerssuck.com[/url]
Last year i had customer come in (for those who dont know i run a small Internet Cafe in a tourist town in Maine) She comes up to me complaining that she cannot get to Yahoo. so i go to her computer, and sure enough, no Yahoo, Cnn, google, hotmail, everything else work fine, but no Yahoo, so just to be sure i check on another machine, no yahoo, so i tell her, "Well i'm sorry, but it appears that Yahoo is having problems today" She comes up, checks out and says "well since you couldnt get me to yahoo, i shouldnt have to pay" to which i point to our disclaimer, which says very clearly that we dont control the internet, that sometimes sites are down, and that if its not due to our equipment, you still have to pay. Normally, i'd have just told her that since she couldnt get on, that i'd let her go without paying, since it was only $2.65, but the next words out of her mouth are the magic words... "Well i refuse to pay" Customers dont dictate what they will and will not pay for... so instead of her just being able to go about her business, i have to say
"excuse me?" and she says that under no circumstances will she pay, even though it was not our fault that she couldnt do what she wanted...
So, i told her that if she was adamant in her refusal to pay, i'd have to call the police, this usually gets people to pony up the money. but with her, no go, she says "Fine, call them" and sits herself down. So i call the police, tell them i have a customer who refuses to pay, and they come on over. i talk to the cop for a minute, explain the situation, show him that all the other websites work, that indeed it's one of those things beyond our control. He goes up to the woman, and tells her that she's going to have to pay, to which she refuses, and then starts arguing with the cops... Finally, about 20 minutes later, the cop tells her to shut up, pulls out his handcuffs, and says "Do you really want to go to Jail over $2.65, cause if you dont pull out your wallet and pay right now, you will be under arrest"
She sputters for a minute, then pays, with a credit card mind you..
20 minutes later. the guy who she was sitting with comes up to me, and of course i'm expecting him to bitch and complain, but instead he says "I'm really sorry about my girlfriend, she does this sort of thing ALL the time, in fact, i think when we get back to the motel room , she's not going to be my girlfriend anymore cause i've had it with her shit"
Lol, crazy people.
"Ok, you'll have to go ahead and unplug the power from your cable modem and plug it back in after 10 seconds"
"I'm not sure which cord is what here so I'll just turn off the whole--"(click)
Cordless phone and power strip. Oops.
When i was working for an ISP, this woman came in, (she happened to be one of the bosses friends) and she was pissed because her laptop harddrive was fubar,
"I just bought the damn thing down in australia, its brand new!"
"Ahhh" Says I "Thats your problem, you bought it south of the equator, Harddrives spin the other direction there"
"WHAT?" Says She "He never told me that, how dare he! " then she storms out the door before i can say "Uhh i was just kidding"
He takes it back and gives it to the boss & he says we can't except this...They also call to mention that they didn't get their ice tea...Sooooo
My friend took that as an opportunity to get back at them he made a nifty little Haiku out of it.
FUCK YOU FUCKING DICKS
RUB MY COCK ON YOUR ICE TEA
FUCK YOU FUCKING DICKS
Another time I'm delivering to hempstead find the house easily and ring the bell no one answers. I go to the back of the house and theres a van with 3 black guys in it. They say "Yo you got the food"...Yes...Its $XXXX..."wheres the money"..."yoooo wheres the money..."I don't know son"..."what you got there anyway"...I have a chicken cutlet, with frys, a burger,...etc ITs obvious to me now that these guys are totally high..."yooo give us some food"...Half of them are passed out...Yeah I can't give you food unless you pay me..."But I can't find my money"...Yeah real sorry about that I do a 180 turn the other way and walk back to my Festy. I head out of there and they pull out of the drive way in their Caddilac Truck they continue to follow me. So I just start to drive back to the deli i turn my signals on the right and take a left make a a 50 mile per hour dash down hempstead ave and hit the turnpike where i slide into the deli.
Fucking POT HEADS STAY OUT OF THE STEAD
[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Entil'Zha [/i]
[B]i point to our disclaimer, which says very clearly that we dont control the internet, that sometimes sites are down, and that if its not due to our equipment, you still have to pay.[/B][/QUOTE]
I think the funniest bit is that internet cafes need a disclaimer stating that they don't control the internet. :D
[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Biggles [/i]
[B]I think the funniest bit is that internet cafes need a disclaimer stating that they don't control the internet. :D [/B][/QUOTE]
sad isn't it, i'm also about 20 seconds away from putting up an addendum "We are also not the electric company, if the power goes out, it's not our fault"
[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Entil'Zha [/i]
[B]sad isn't it, i'm also about 20 seconds away from putting up an addendum "We are also not the electric company, if the power goes out, it's not our fault" [/B][/QUOTE]
What about "We are not Gods, if your life sucks, kill yourself"?
I'd like to have that where I work..
[B]Well while working for Cherry Valley Deli a friend of mine had to deliver to these certain college kids. So they pay with a credit card and sign it FUCK YOU FUCKING DICKS...
He takes it back and gives it to the boss & he says we can't except this...They also call to mention that they didn't get their ice tea...Sooooo
My friend took that as an opportunity to get back at them he made a nifty little Haiku out of it.
FUCK YOU FUCKING DICKS
RUB MY COCK ON YOUR ICE TEA
FUCK YOU FUCKING DICKS [/B][/QUOTE]
By the way, that's not a haiku.
5
7
5
Trust me, I'm the Osensei of Troll Haiku.
[list=1]
[*]If you're going to scatter random words from a foreign language into English, at least get them right. Noone ever says "osensei."
[*]Can't you count?[/list]
:p
[B]Ok then, Oooooooooo-sensei. Happy now?[/B][/QUOTE]
No, because you're going in the wrong direction. :)
In this case, your usage was incorrect, as was the usage I got nailed on a few years ago. :p
Flawless victory!
And yet another topic hi-jacked!
[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Entil'Zha [/i]
[B]"We are also not the electric company, if the power goes out, it's not our fault" [/B][/QUOTE]
That's a classic. According to their logic, since the computer is connected to the power outlet, computer tech support is the place to call when there's a power failure.
The correct answer to a call like this is to ask the person to unplug the computer and plug in a vacuum cleaner and tell them to ask a janitor why the power's gone. ;)
VoIP is going to put an end to that, thankfully, no power, no network, no phones, fewer stupid questions. :D
Don't let anybody tell you otherwise, there are stupid questions!!
[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Stingray [/i]
[B]That's a classic. According to their logic, since the computer is connected to the power outlet, computer tech support is the place to call when there's a power failure.
The correct answer to a call like this is to ask the person to unplug the computer and plug in a vacuum cleaner and tell them to ask a janitor why the power's gone. ;)
VoIP is going to put an end to that, thankfully, no power, no network, no phones, fewer stupid questions. :D
Don't let anybody tell you otherwise, there are stupid questions!! [/B][/QUOTE]
Yeah, but since we're an internet cafe, the people are already here, so there is nobody to call... now unless its a major event, usually our DSL is still up, and the battery backup, while it wont power the computers/monitors, will keep the router and wireless access points going for about an hour with no electricity, so people with laptops can still get online.
but people actually think that if the power goes out, its our fault. and they should get what time they already used for free.
"Ma'am. They quite clearly are unable to return your bottle at this point in time, first of all if you managed to pick up the bottle, walk across the store and bought it without noticing then that is your own stupidity. Even then its just a bottle of water you spent two minutes fussing over, are you seriously that cheep?"
She stormed out of the room then both clerks whispered "Thank you"