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croxis
I am the walrus
in Zocalo v2.0
[quote]Q: What happens if you ferment an Abelian grape in a Klein bottle?
A: You make a topologist whine.[/quote]
[quote]Q: At 3 o'clock, you come across a topologist in his office who still hasn't eaten his doughnut or drank his coffee from 10 that morning. What happened?
A: The topologist couldn't figure out whether to dunk his doughnut into his coffee mug, or his coffee mug into his doughnut.[/quote]
[quote]Person 1: What's the integral of 1/cabin?
Person 2: A log cabin.
Person 1: No, a houseboat - you forgot to add the C![/quote]
[quote]A mathematician, a biologist and a physicist are sitting in a street café watching people going in and coming out of the house on the other side of the street. First they see two people going into the house. Time passes. After a while they notice three persons coming out of the house. The physicist says, "The measurement wasn't accurate." The biologist says, "They have reproduced." The mathematician says, "If now exactly one person enters the house then it will be empty again."[/quote]
[quote]A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer were traveling through Scotland when they saw a black sheep through the window of the train. "Aha," says the engineer, "I see that Scottish sheep are black."
"Hmm," says the physicist, "you mean that some Scottish sheep are black."
"No," says the mathematician, "all we know is that there is at least one sheep in Scotland, at least one side of which looks black!"[/quote]
[quote]
An H+ ion is looking miserable, so one of his atomic buddies asks him wht the problem is.
"I've lost my electron" says the ion.
"Are you sure? asks the atom.
"Yes, I'm positive"
[/quote]
[quote]
Q: Why won't Heisenbergs' operators live in the suburbs?
A: They don't commute
[/quote]
[quote]
Heisenberg is out for a drive when he's stopped by a traffic cop. The cop says "Do you know how fast you were going?" Heisenberg says "No, but I know where I am."
[/quote]
[quote]
One day, in the park, Hi Dro Iso, who was an asian proton, met the love of his life, an american named Jenny Tope, who happened to be a neutron. They decided to get married, and the paper announcing their wedding read: Hi Dro Jen Iso Tope to be wed today in Deuterium Park - Parents shed heavy tears.
[/quote]
[quote]What did the capacitor say to the resistor who didn't pay his rent?
"I am a'farad you've lost your 'ohm!"
[/quote]
[quote]
Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: The fish.
[/quote]
[quote]
A man flying in a hot air balloon realizes he is lost. He reduces his altitude and spots a man in a field down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"
The man below says, "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, about 30 feet above this field."
"You must be an engineer," says the balloonist.
"I am. How did you know?"
"Everything you told me is technically correct, but it's of no use to anyone."
The man below says, "You must be in management."
"I am. But how did you know?"
"You don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."[/quote]
A: You make a topologist whine.[/quote]
[quote]Q: At 3 o'clock, you come across a topologist in his office who still hasn't eaten his doughnut or drank his coffee from 10 that morning. What happened?
A: The topologist couldn't figure out whether to dunk his doughnut into his coffee mug, or his coffee mug into his doughnut.[/quote]
[quote]Person 1: What's the integral of 1/cabin?
Person 2: A log cabin.
Person 1: No, a houseboat - you forgot to add the C![/quote]
[quote]A mathematician, a biologist and a physicist are sitting in a street café watching people going in and coming out of the house on the other side of the street. First they see two people going into the house. Time passes. After a while they notice three persons coming out of the house. The physicist says, "The measurement wasn't accurate." The biologist says, "They have reproduced." The mathematician says, "If now exactly one person enters the house then it will be empty again."[/quote]
[quote]A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer were traveling through Scotland when they saw a black sheep through the window of the train. "Aha," says the engineer, "I see that Scottish sheep are black."
"Hmm," says the physicist, "you mean that some Scottish sheep are black."
"No," says the mathematician, "all we know is that there is at least one sheep in Scotland, at least one side of which looks black!"[/quote]
[quote]
An H+ ion is looking miserable, so one of his atomic buddies asks him wht the problem is.
"I've lost my electron" says the ion.
"Are you sure? asks the atom.
"Yes, I'm positive"
[/quote]
[quote]
Q: Why won't Heisenbergs' operators live in the suburbs?
A: They don't commute
[/quote]
[quote]
Heisenberg is out for a drive when he's stopped by a traffic cop. The cop says "Do you know how fast you were going?" Heisenberg says "No, but I know where I am."
[/quote]
[quote]
One day, in the park, Hi Dro Iso, who was an asian proton, met the love of his life, an american named Jenny Tope, who happened to be a neutron. They decided to get married, and the paper announcing their wedding read: Hi Dro Jen Iso Tope to be wed today in Deuterium Park - Parents shed heavy tears.
[/quote]
[quote]What did the capacitor say to the resistor who didn't pay his rent?
"I am a'farad you've lost your 'ohm!"
[/quote]
[quote]
Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: The fish.
[/quote]
[quote]
A man flying in a hot air balloon realizes he is lost. He reduces his altitude and spots a man in a field down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"
The man below says, "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, about 30 feet above this field."
"You must be an engineer," says the balloonist.
"I am. How did you know?"
"Everything you told me is technically correct, but it's of no use to anyone."
The man below says, "You must be in management."
"I am. But how did you know?"
"You don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."[/quote]
Comments
Why did the egg cross the road?
It had an inclination towards it.
[B]Chemists do it periodically... [/B][/QUOTE]
Statistitians probably do it.