I understand what you say and I have gone through it. I can relate to almost everything you have described.
Depression is a serious matter. If you think you have clinical depression don't discard seeing a specialist.
Adding to the advice about antidepressants: only a psychiatrist can prescribe them and chose the adequate one. In my case that was Wellbutrin (bupropion), since I had depression without anxiety and other factors that the psychiatrist tought indicated it. As Entil'Zha said, it may not work miracles but the lows aren't so low.
My depression was also triggered during school (graduate school), stress, too much work, not seeing enough progress, and then a vicious circle of not feeling well to work enough and feeling bad for not making much progress.
Seeing a psychologist also helped, by talking about what I felt (and not burdening my wife with that), but also by giving me hints about behavioral changes, and toughts, that might help.
Some of those were:
Break the routine, already mentioned, quite important, falling into a rut doesn't help getting out of depression.
Set goals and rewards, small goals that you know you can achieve, with small rewards you can afford, even something as simple as saying to yourself: "as soon as I finish this homework/task I'll have a chocolate bar", or have a favorite dish for dinner. These should be realistic goals, not overworking yourself, but taking it one step at a time.
Exercise, try to exercise, about 30 minutes daily. This has actually been reported in clinical studies to be good against depression, it might even have the same benefit with a longer lasting effect than antidepressants.
Remember that you're not the only one that has been depressed, and don't feel bad about being depressed.
I had the luck that my University had a Counseling Center where I could get psychological and psychiatric help for free. Check at your university, if they have that service use it, don't be embarrassed about getting help.
I know the feeling that you just want to be yourself again (interestingly that was a slogan of Wellbutrin ads), deciding to get help to overcome my depression allowed me to do it.
I should mention that in Latin America is also like Biggles say, you get support from your parents long after you're 18, and you would support your parents after they retire. I'm 33, and when I moved back to México last year I did use my dad's credit card for groceries more than once, I wasn't very happy that I couldn't be self-sufficient, but I knew that later I could pay it back. When my wife and I returned we lived briefly at her parents' home, then after moving to the city we're in now we lived for almost a month at an Aunt's house while we got a place of our own. I think that the warm feeling of knowing that you can count on family (and friends) sometimes can and should outweigh the pride of being self sufficient.
BTW, I also had some irritable outbursts at a forum when I was deeper into depression.
About your business I don't think this a good time to stop it, you already feel bad, no need to add to that by having to toss away a dream, but you might want to consider hiring someone to help already.
And you should also know that this might return again. Depression is usually a recurring condition, but if you get help not only you'll know better how to overcome it, but you could also learn better to recognize early symptoms so that next time you start getting depressed you can take action before you feel too low. That has been my experience.
I am SO happy that in Norway you get money (parts of it is only student loan, but anyway).
I get 1000$ each month from the government, half of it I am using on a place to stay, the rest on food. Not much money, but enough. In addition to that, I earned 3000$ working this christmas, and getting 2000$ during the semester to be a "student assistant" in a class. In addition to that I get 200$ each month from my parents. You should not be dependant to work to be able to study.
I agree with the post above: Exercise is sometimes the best medication.
Regarding my problems: I've always managed to "contain" them, and ignore them, though I am afraid that maybe one day I will not be able to any longer....
The strongest I've been on is Ibuprofen/Ibux/Paraceptamol :)
And smoking has been verified to actually increase depression.
And, and I'm actually serious about this, make sure you masturbate on a regular basis. The hormones released help regulate mood and strengthen the immune system which weakens under stress and depression.
Anyways, as for my self I'm working two part time student jobs as wellas being a full time student and it is working out for me quite well. Running a buisness, on the other hand and as others have mentioned, is bad news. Wait until you leave college or put college on hold, but doing both for a year or more will give you exactly what I see. I don't have numbers but most returning students who work and got o school full time will not finish their degree.
[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by A2597 [/i]
[B]That just it Jack, my parents are like "Theres lots of money here if you need it"
But I don't want it. I want to make my own money...
Thus the pride comment. [/B][/QUOTE]
Then take a loan from your parents, consider it seed money for your future. Go so far as to write up a contract and agree on an interest rate (say prime or something like that) and an payment schedule, then it's no different then getting a small business loan from a conventional back. And your parents get an added benifit of a low risk return on their investment that's greater than what they can get at a bank, so you are helping them out at the same time!
Jake
Random ChaosActually Carefully-selected Order in disguise
A2597:
From what you have said in all your posts, it sounds like your depression is the direct result of stress, and the stress is the direct result of two things: (a) overwork and (b) expectations that can't be met.
Overwork is a combination of your schoolwork and your business work. My recommendation is cut one of these out, or substantially reduce it. It's one thing to help a freind down the hall fix a computer. It's another thing to have a 40-hour-a-week job fixing computers. 40hr job + 20hr class schedule = 100-140 hr/week of work you're doing. I found that homework generally took 2 times the inclass time a week, with up to 4 times when major projects were assigned (well, once you got to the upper level class - intro classes were much easier).
100-140 hrs...that's 14-20 hrs a day, leaving only 4-10 hrs a day for free time, including sleep. You just can't survive on that.
Furthermore, it adds to your stress, when you know you have all this stuff you have to do, and can't figure out how you will get it all done.
Then the second item I mentioned was unattainable expectations. This directly matches into the first one. The reason you desire to work is that you desire to be self sufficient. While in college, with 60-100 hr workload from the college (class time + homework), there is no way you can devote enough of your time to a job to make yourself self sufficient, and thus you hit a quandry: You expect yourself to be self sufficient, but you are unable to attain such self-suffiency.
And no, I'm not making up 60-100 hr workload from school. I often took 12-16 hr schedules, which at times resulted in close to 60 hrs of homework in my Jr and Sr years. You're taking more than me, and leaving yourself less time to do it. Research projects and reports always take a LONG time to do, no matter how simple they seem.
You need to choose A2597:
Do you want to pass college?
Or do you want to be self sufficient immediately?
[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by The Cabl3 Guy [/i]
[B]im just glad to go know theres other firstones with my kind of well almost myk ind of problem. DO you guys still take your meds? [/B][/QUOTE]
I've actually been off my meds for quite a while, I found that moving out of New York City helped me loads, i had trouble finding good work there, and NYC is one of the few places i know where you can make $100,000/year, and still struggle to make ends meet,
Since I moved back to Maine, i've got a good job, less environmental stress, and a much more calming atmosphere, it allows me to manage much more easily without meds. (plus the cost an arm and a leg)
[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Entil'Zha [/i]
[B]I've actually been off my meds for quite a while, I found that moving out of New York City helped me loads, i had trouble finding good work there, and NYC is one of the few places i know where you can make $100,000/year, and still struggle to make ends meet,
Since I moved back to Maine, i've got a good job, less environmental stress, and a much more calming atmosphere, it allows me to manage much more easily without meds. (plus the cost an arm and a leg) [/B][/QUOTE] thanks for that. I want to move off of meds really they don't seem to be helping & I keep thinking of Donnie Darko...
[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by The Cabl3 Guy [/i]
[B]im just glad to go know theres other firstones with my kind of well almost myk ind of problem. DO you guys still take your meds? [/B][/QUOTE] I stopped after finishing grad school.
Partly it was the fact that after graduating I didn't have access to the university's counseling center, I would have had to find a psychiatrist, and pay the doctor and the medicine (the health insurance plan also ended with graduation) out of my own pocket.
But I think the greater part was that I was feeling much better, and that having had help from a psychologist I learned some strategies for dealing with depression on my own. That I haven't been under so much pressure so continuously has been helpful too. I believe that stress was a big factor for my depression.
I did ask the psychiatrist about leaving the meds, he suggested taking less of it and see if I felt any worse. I felt about the same. In case I hadn't I had a prescription for three more months that I could have used while finding another pyschiatrist to treat me.
It's been almost two years, only some minor depression spells in between.
There's been a few times I've felt like antidepressants would help me, and if I fall too deep I will look for psychiatric help again.
Comments
I understand what you say and I have gone through it. I can relate to almost everything you have described.
Depression is a serious matter. If you think you have clinical depression don't discard seeing a specialist.
Adding to the advice about antidepressants: only a psychiatrist can prescribe them and chose the adequate one. In my case that was Wellbutrin (bupropion), since I had depression without anxiety and other factors that the psychiatrist tought indicated it. As Entil'Zha said, it may not work miracles but the lows aren't so low.
My depression was also triggered during school (graduate school), stress, too much work, not seeing enough progress, and then a vicious circle of not feeling well to work enough and feeling bad for not making much progress.
Seeing a psychologist also helped, by talking about what I felt (and not burdening my wife with that), but also by giving me hints about behavioral changes, and toughts, that might help.
Some of those were:
Break the routine, already mentioned, quite important, falling into a rut doesn't help getting out of depression.
Set goals and rewards, small goals that you know you can achieve, with small rewards you can afford, even something as simple as saying to yourself: "as soon as I finish this homework/task I'll have a chocolate bar", or have a favorite dish for dinner. These should be realistic goals, not overworking yourself, but taking it one step at a time.
Exercise, try to exercise, about 30 minutes daily. This has actually been reported in clinical studies to be good against depression, it might even have the same benefit with a longer lasting effect than antidepressants.
Remember that you're not the only one that has been depressed, and don't feel bad about being depressed.
I had the luck that my University had a Counseling Center where I could get psychological and psychiatric help for free. Check at your university, if they have that service use it, don't be embarrassed about getting help.
I know the feeling that you just want to be yourself again (interestingly that was a slogan of Wellbutrin ads), deciding to get help to overcome my depression allowed me to do it.
I should mention that in Latin America is also like Biggles say, you get support from your parents long after you're 18, and you would support your parents after they retire. I'm 33, and when I moved back to México last year I did use my dad's credit card for groceries more than once, I wasn't very happy that I couldn't be self-sufficient, but I knew that later I could pay it back. When my wife and I returned we lived briefly at her parents' home, then after moving to the city we're in now we lived for almost a month at an Aunt's house while we got a place of our own. I think that the warm feeling of knowing that you can count on family (and friends) sometimes can and should outweigh the pride of being self sufficient.
BTW, I also had some irritable outbursts at a forum when I was deeper into depression.
About your business I don't think this a good time to stop it, you already feel bad, no need to add to that by having to toss away a dream, but you might want to consider hiring someone to help already.
And you should also know that this might return again. Depression is usually a recurring condition, but if you get help not only you'll know better how to overcome it, but you could also learn better to recognize early symptoms so that next time you start getting depressed you can take action before you feel too low. That has been my experience.
Best wishes.
I get 1000$ each month from the government, half of it I am using on a place to stay, the rest on food. Not much money, but enough. In addition to that, I earned 3000$ working this christmas, and getting 2000$ during the semester to be a "student assistant" in a class. In addition to that I get 200$ each month from my parents. You should not be dependant to work to be able to study.
I agree with the post above: Exercise is sometimes the best medication.
Regarding my problems: I've always managed to "contain" them, and ignore them, though I am afraid that maybe one day I will not be able to any longer....
The strongest I've been on is Ibuprofen/Ibux/Paraceptamol :)
And smoking has been verified to actually increase depression.
And, and I'm actually serious about this, make sure you masturbate on a regular basis. The hormones released help regulate mood and strengthen the immune system which weakens under stress and depression.
Anyways, as for my self I'm working two part time student jobs as wellas being a full time student and it is working out for me quite well. Running a buisness, on the other hand and as others have mentioned, is bad news. Wait until you leave college or put college on hold, but doing both for a year or more will give you exactly what I see. I don't have numbers but most returning students who work and got o school full time will not finish their degree.
Always reminding you about it and throwing it in your face...
Could be a large reason why many don't turn to them...
;)
But I don't want it. I want to make my own money...
Thus the pride comment.
[B]That just it Jack, my parents are like "Theres lots of money here if you need it"
But I don't want it. I want to make my own money...
Thus the pride comment. [/B][/QUOTE]
Then take a loan from your parents, consider it seed money for your future. Go so far as to write up a contract and agree on an interest rate (say prime or something like that) and an payment schedule, then it's no different then getting a small business loan from a conventional back. And your parents get an added benifit of a low risk return on their investment that's greater than what they can get at a bank, so you are helping them out at the same time!
Jake
From what you have said in all your posts, it sounds like your depression is the direct result of stress, and the stress is the direct result of two things: (a) overwork and (b) expectations that can't be met.
Overwork is a combination of your schoolwork and your business work. My recommendation is cut one of these out, or substantially reduce it. It's one thing to help a freind down the hall fix a computer. It's another thing to have a 40-hour-a-week job fixing computers. 40hr job + 20hr class schedule = 100-140 hr/week of work you're doing. I found that homework generally took 2 times the inclass time a week, with up to 4 times when major projects were assigned (well, once you got to the upper level class - intro classes were much easier).
100-140 hrs...that's 14-20 hrs a day, leaving only 4-10 hrs a day for free time, including sleep. You just can't survive on that.
Furthermore, it adds to your stress, when you know you have all this stuff you have to do, and can't figure out how you will get it all done.
Then the second item I mentioned was unattainable expectations. This directly matches into the first one. The reason you desire to work is that you desire to be self sufficient. While in college, with 60-100 hr workload from the college (class time + homework), there is no way you can devote enough of your time to a job to make yourself self sufficient, and thus you hit a quandry: You expect yourself to be self sufficient, but you are unable to attain such self-suffiency.
And no, I'm not making up 60-100 hr workload from school. I often took 12-16 hr schedules, which at times resulted in close to 60 hrs of homework in my Jr and Sr years. You're taking more than me, and leaving yourself less time to do it. Research projects and reports always take a LONG time to do, no matter how simple they seem.
You need to choose A2597:
Do you want to pass college?
Or do you want to be self sufficient immediately?
These are mutually exclusive items.
--RC
[B]im just glad to go know theres other firstones with my kind of well almost myk ind of problem. DO you guys still take your meds? [/B][/QUOTE]
I've actually been off my meds for quite a while, I found that moving out of New York City helped me loads, i had trouble finding good work there, and NYC is one of the few places i know where you can make $100,000/year, and still struggle to make ends meet,
Since I moved back to Maine, i've got a good job, less environmental stress, and a much more calming atmosphere, it allows me to manage much more easily without meds. (plus the cost an arm and a leg)
So, I'll keep on going.
Once thing I do need to do today is talk with one of my good friends/suite mate though...
He absolutly hates my Girlfriend...I need to find out why. Kinda adds a tension there obviously.
Fun fun fun!
(Oh, I'm back. Didn't have internet since last Thursday)
[B]I've actually been off my meds for quite a while, I found that moving out of New York City helped me loads, i had trouble finding good work there, and NYC is one of the few places i know where you can make $100,000/year, and still struggle to make ends meet,
Since I moved back to Maine, i've got a good job, less environmental stress, and a much more calming atmosphere, it allows me to manage much more easily without meds. (plus the cost an arm and a leg) [/B][/QUOTE] thanks for that. I want to move off of meds really they don't seem to be helping & I keep thinking of Donnie Darko...
My memory is shot too.. hate that.
[B]im just glad to go know theres other firstones with my kind of well almost myk ind of problem. DO you guys still take your meds? [/B][/QUOTE] I stopped after finishing grad school.
Partly it was the fact that after graduating I didn't have access to the university's counseling center, I would have had to find a psychiatrist, and pay the doctor and the medicine (the health insurance plan also ended with graduation) out of my own pocket.
But I think the greater part was that I was feeling much better, and that having had help from a psychologist I learned some strategies for dealing with depression on my own. That I haven't been under so much pressure so continuously has been helpful too. I believe that stress was a big factor for my depression.
I did ask the psychiatrist about leaving the meds, he suggested taking less of it and see if I felt any worse. I felt about the same. In case I hadn't I had a prescription for three more months that I could have used while finding another pyschiatrist to treat me.
It's been almost two years, only some minor depression spells in between.
There's been a few times I've felt like antidepressants would help me, and if I fall too deep I will look for psychiatric help again.