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Babylon 5's Flying Circus
Commander Hamblin
Ranger
in Babylon 5
Found it [url="http://enphilistor.users4.50megs.com/monty.htm"]here[/url]. Some funny stuff there. Here's a few of my favourites:
[quote][i]A group of[/i] ZATHRASES [i]stumble on[/i]
ZATHRASES: [shouting] And now, a sketch about space station designers! Called the Space Station Designers' Sketch! The Space Station Designers' Sketch! The Space Station Designers' Sketch! [Pointing] There! Up there!
[i]Cut to a boardroom in a government building. Several[/i] OFFICIALS [i]are sitting at a table.[/i] SPACE STATION DESIGNER #1 [i]comes into the room carrying a model space station.[/i]
SSD1: Good morning.
OFFICIALS: Good morning.
SSD1: These are the plans for the new Babylon station, which combines the best of traditional classical motifs with modern construction techniques. As you can see here, the diplomats arrive here at the landing bay, and are carried down this conveyer belt past some Renoirs and a Camembert until they reach the rotating laser beams. From here, the blood is sluiced down the drain gratings, and the mangled flesh is conveyed--
OFFICIAL 1: I'm sorry, did you say laser beams?
SSD1: Yes, rotating laser beams... as I was saying, the bloo--
OFFICIAL 2: Excuse me, but are you planning on slaughtering the diplomats?
SSD1: Does that not fit in with Vice President Clarke's attitude towards the alien races?
OFFICIAL 1: Ah, a very interesting design, but I'm afraid that we weren't planning on slaughtering any of our diplomats. We just wanted a simple space station.
SSD1: Well that's just sort of pig ignorant attitude I've come to expect from you Earth Alliance officials, sitting on your backsides and judging space station designs when you don't give a tinker's cuss about the struggling artist, you with your fancy bloody Nightwatch badges and your bloody secret Nightwatch handshakes! You wouldn't let me join, you blacklisting bastards! Well I wouldn't join the Nightwatch if you got down on your filthy stinking knees and begged me to!
OFFICIAL 3: Well we're sorry you feel that way, but we were only interested in a simple meeting place for diplomats.
OFFICIAL 2: Nice though the abbotoir is.
SSD1: Oh, sod the abbotoir, it's not important, but if one of you fellows could put in a good word for me, I mean, being in Nightwatch opens doors--
OFFICIAL 1: Thank you...
SSD1: I've got my own surveillance devices--
OFFICIAL 2: Thank you...
SSD1 [i]takes his model and leaves.[/i]
OFFICIAL 1: NEXT!
SSD2 [i]enters, carrying several models.[/i]
SSD2: Good morning.
OFFICIALS: Morning.
SSD2: Well, the space station that I've been designing for the past few years is completely revolutionary in the field of physics.
[i]The first of his models explodes[/i]
SSD2: It's designed to be completely safe--
[i]The second model explodes.[/i]
SSD2: --and is designed to be resistant against all--
[i]The third model explodes.[/i]
SSD2: --known forms of terrorism.
[i]The fourth model vanishes from sight.[/i]
SSD2: Umm...
OFFICIAL 1: Well I'm certainly convinced.
OFFICIAL 2: So am I.
OFFICIAL 3: Congratulations!
They do a silly secret handshake.[/quote]
[quote]SHERIDAN: Babylon!
G'KAR: Babylon!
DELENN: Babylon!
ZATHRAS: It's only CGI.[/quote]
[quote]LORIEN: Answer me these questions three, ere ye stay in this galaxy.
G'KAR [i]steps forward.[/i]
G'KAR: Ask your questions, bridgekeeper, I'm not afraid.
LORIEN: Who are you?
G'KAR: Citizen G'Kar of the Narn Regime.
LORIEN: What do you want?
G'KAR: To carve the Centauris' bones into flutes for our children.
LORIEN: Why are you here?
G'KAR: To strangle the Centauri Emperor.
LORIEN: Right, off you go then.
G'KAR [i]departs over the bridge.[/i]
MORDEN: That looks easy!
LORIEN: Who are you?
MORDEN: Mr. Morden.
LORIEN: What do you want?
MORDEN: To destroy the weaker species.
LORIEN: How does Delenn manage to get her hair to go under a bone that grows out of her head?
MORDEN: Eh? I don't know--AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH...
MORDEN [i]is cast into the Gorge of Eternal Peril.[/i]
LORIEN: Next?
IVANOVA: Ask away, I'm not afraid.
LORIEN: Who are you?
IVANOVA: Susan Ivanova.
LORIEN: What do you want?
IVANOVA: To be paid for episodes I won't be appearing in.
LORIEN: Are you going to sign the same contract for Season five as everyone else?
IVANOVA: Yes. I mean no. I mean, I need an extension. I mean--AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH...
IVANOVA [i]is cast into the Gorge of Eternal Peril.[/i]
LORIEN: Who are you?
SHERIDAN: Captain John Sheridan.
LORIEN: What do you want?
SHERIDAN: To rid the galaxy of the elder races.
LORIEN: Who is the leader of the Drazi?
SHERIDAN: What do you mean--green or purple?
LORIEN: I don't know--AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH...
LORIEN [i]is cast into the Gorge of Eternal Peril.[/i]
DELENN: How do you know so much about Drazi?
SHERIDAN: Well, when you're the One you have to know these things.[/quote]
[quote][i]A group of[/i] ZATHRASES [i]stumble on[/i]
ZATHRASES: [shouting] And now, a sketch about space station designers! Called the Space Station Designers' Sketch! The Space Station Designers' Sketch! The Space Station Designers' Sketch! [Pointing] There! Up there!
[i]Cut to a boardroom in a government building. Several[/i] OFFICIALS [i]are sitting at a table.[/i] SPACE STATION DESIGNER #1 [i]comes into the room carrying a model space station.[/i]
SSD1: Good morning.
OFFICIALS: Good morning.
SSD1: These are the plans for the new Babylon station, which combines the best of traditional classical motifs with modern construction techniques. As you can see here, the diplomats arrive here at the landing bay, and are carried down this conveyer belt past some Renoirs and a Camembert until they reach the rotating laser beams. From here, the blood is sluiced down the drain gratings, and the mangled flesh is conveyed--
OFFICIAL 1: I'm sorry, did you say laser beams?
SSD1: Yes, rotating laser beams... as I was saying, the bloo--
OFFICIAL 2: Excuse me, but are you planning on slaughtering the diplomats?
SSD1: Does that not fit in with Vice President Clarke's attitude towards the alien races?
OFFICIAL 1: Ah, a very interesting design, but I'm afraid that we weren't planning on slaughtering any of our diplomats. We just wanted a simple space station.
SSD1: Well that's just sort of pig ignorant attitude I've come to expect from you Earth Alliance officials, sitting on your backsides and judging space station designs when you don't give a tinker's cuss about the struggling artist, you with your fancy bloody Nightwatch badges and your bloody secret Nightwatch handshakes! You wouldn't let me join, you blacklisting bastards! Well I wouldn't join the Nightwatch if you got down on your filthy stinking knees and begged me to!
OFFICIAL 3: Well we're sorry you feel that way, but we were only interested in a simple meeting place for diplomats.
OFFICIAL 2: Nice though the abbotoir is.
SSD1: Oh, sod the abbotoir, it's not important, but if one of you fellows could put in a good word for me, I mean, being in Nightwatch opens doors--
OFFICIAL 1: Thank you...
SSD1: I've got my own surveillance devices--
OFFICIAL 2: Thank you...
SSD1 [i]takes his model and leaves.[/i]
OFFICIAL 1: NEXT!
SSD2 [i]enters, carrying several models.[/i]
SSD2: Good morning.
OFFICIALS: Morning.
SSD2: Well, the space station that I've been designing for the past few years is completely revolutionary in the field of physics.
[i]The first of his models explodes[/i]
SSD2: It's designed to be completely safe--
[i]The second model explodes.[/i]
SSD2: --and is designed to be resistant against all--
[i]The third model explodes.[/i]
SSD2: --known forms of terrorism.
[i]The fourth model vanishes from sight.[/i]
SSD2: Umm...
OFFICIAL 1: Well I'm certainly convinced.
OFFICIAL 2: So am I.
OFFICIAL 3: Congratulations!
They do a silly secret handshake.[/quote]
[quote]SHERIDAN: Babylon!
G'KAR: Babylon!
DELENN: Babylon!
ZATHRAS: It's only CGI.[/quote]
[quote]LORIEN: Answer me these questions three, ere ye stay in this galaxy.
G'KAR [i]steps forward.[/i]
G'KAR: Ask your questions, bridgekeeper, I'm not afraid.
LORIEN: Who are you?
G'KAR: Citizen G'Kar of the Narn Regime.
LORIEN: What do you want?
G'KAR: To carve the Centauris' bones into flutes for our children.
LORIEN: Why are you here?
G'KAR: To strangle the Centauri Emperor.
LORIEN: Right, off you go then.
G'KAR [i]departs over the bridge.[/i]
MORDEN: That looks easy!
LORIEN: Who are you?
MORDEN: Mr. Morden.
LORIEN: What do you want?
MORDEN: To destroy the weaker species.
LORIEN: How does Delenn manage to get her hair to go under a bone that grows out of her head?
MORDEN: Eh? I don't know--AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH...
MORDEN [i]is cast into the Gorge of Eternal Peril.[/i]
LORIEN: Next?
IVANOVA: Ask away, I'm not afraid.
LORIEN: Who are you?
IVANOVA: Susan Ivanova.
LORIEN: What do you want?
IVANOVA: To be paid for episodes I won't be appearing in.
LORIEN: Are you going to sign the same contract for Season five as everyone else?
IVANOVA: Yes. I mean no. I mean, I need an extension. I mean--AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH...
IVANOVA [i]is cast into the Gorge of Eternal Peril.[/i]
LORIEN: Who are you?
SHERIDAN: Captain John Sheridan.
LORIEN: What do you want?
SHERIDAN: To rid the galaxy of the elder races.
LORIEN: Who is the leader of the Drazi?
SHERIDAN: What do you mean--green or purple?
LORIEN: I don't know--AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH...
LORIEN [i]is cast into the Gorge of Eternal Peril.[/i]
DELENN: How do you know so much about Drazi?
SHERIDAN: Well, when you're the One you have to know these things.[/quote]
Comments
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[i]"Always be ready to fight for what you believe in. It doesn't matter if a million people agree with you or one person agrees with you. Fight for what you believe in."[/i]
-- John Sheridan
Regards,
Morden
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Former member of the NBE, but still proudly British.
"WANTED DEAD for Gozer worshipping."
"When they ran out of ships, they used guns, and when they ran out of guns, they used knives, and sticks, and bare hands. They were magnificent."
"Blue, no Yellow! AHHH!!!!!"
[img]http://216.15.145.59/mainforums/biggrin.gif[/img]
That was my favorite part of the whole movie. [img]http://216.15.145.59/mainforums/wink.gif[/img]
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[b]Wesley[/b]: Worf, tell me what you know about attracting women.
[b]Worf[/b]: *roars loudly*
[b]Wesley[/b]: So you are saying i should roar?
[b]Worf[/b]: No. The women roar..... and hurl heavy objects.
[i]- Star Trek: The Next Generation[/i]
I love these cross-overs... [img]http://216.15.145.59/mainforums/biggrin.gif[/img]
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[b]Never start a fight. But always finish it.[/b]
Finnish techno-geek, friend of all aardvarks
Moderator at Babylon 5: Into the Fire Finland message boards
#b5itf-finland (IRCnet) channel operator