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Now taking suggestions...(personal matter *fair warning*)
RedAssAg05
Ranger
in Zocalo v2.0
Now taking suggestions on how to go about stopping an unconditional, undying, unyielding love you've had for a woman for 3 years, whom you haven't seen in as long, and who hasn't loved you romantically for quite some time as well.
Comments
I beat you.... four years...
...and she hasn't returned an email or phone call in 6 months.
No easy way to fix this mate... all you can do is wait... do you best to move on...
...go through the motions of looking for someone else, suprisingly, it gets easier to pretend you're not totally destroyed inside. One day you wake up and realise that you're no longer pretending to be ok. You are ok.
Fake it till it becomes true. Ok so its a pretty backwards way to do it but it seems to work.
Also... as fucked up as it sounds... some chicks actually dig 'wounded soldiers'. Some girls like the 'nurse' role and they will enjoy helping you heal.... hopefully in the Marvin Gaye way...:)
Faking it can help but bottling it up doesn't. You can only deal with it the best way you can. And you can only move on when you are ready. Also if someone doesn't love you back then you don't deserve them. But I'm sorry if she's strung you a long for awhile, that isn't nice.
*hugs*
PM me if you wish. Though I don't think I'll have any more advice! :)
And I was referring to SB's comments, tis all. That faking can mean bottling things up at the same time.
when she stopped loving you did she hurt you or was it mutual?
If she hurt you, let it go. She will only hurt you again.
If it was mutual, try to be her friend first, move to benefits later when shes comfortable around you again.
The thing is I don't want to love her anymore...for the sake of our friendship and the sake of my sanity y'know?
Oh yeah, and thank you for your advice so far:)
Heh... sad isnt it.
As an aside, I don't know your exact personal circumstances but Colorado isnt [I]that[/I] far away. I guess everything is relative.
I didn't say you had to or even reccomend bottling it up, thats the best way to make sure you end up with an ulcer or cancer or some other form of heartache, stress and angst, made real in the form of a disease.
Smile... get on with it and piss and moan in the right ears when you have to.
While obviously aus is much further away from nm than tx is from colorado, but as a non-texan that recently moved to texas and has a job tha requires me to drive all around it, Texas is freaking HUGE!
you can drive for over 8 hours and still be in Texas. Compare that to out east, 8 hours can get you across 3-4 states. And even though hes in desperate love 8-10 hours is a long drive.
I've done ALOT of miles in the USA, quite a few in TX, don't presume Sunshine... it will get you killed...:)
"Oh that big truck is going to stop...."
~~~~~
There's also these funny aluminium things, they have two big pokey out, sorta flat things with dangly round things hung under them and they make lots of noise and fly...
...somebody told me you could actually get inside one and it takes you somewhere else really fast...
*wipes up the excess drips of sarcasm*
~~~~~
I guess it all depends Red. If you have the practical resources and finances I'd pull up your roots and go see her. If she wont agree to even meet you then its pretty obvious what the outcome will be.
If she does meet you, sit in her lounge room with her and talk. Duct tape her butt to the sofa..:) Work out exactly what you both want and which parts of that are mutual. Maybe there wont be enough mutual ticks on the clipboard so to speak. In that case you kiss it all goodbye in some sort of beautiful poetic fashion and you both move on.
If she isn't satisfied with your ten inches, your car, your life... then thats it... life sucks... suck it down... pound your head on something and get on with it...
Or you find a way to make it work if there is enough in it for both of you.
Love is a paradoxic beast. It's such a nebulous, often ethreal kind of thing and yet it makes you think in such concrete and practical terms about making it possible for it's existence.
I wish you the best dude.
It may help if you get both of your respective minds analysed. Work out whom you both are, if you are genuinely compatible or if you really are fighting an uphill and perhaps ultimately unfulfilling partnership.
I find Kiersey and the MBTI tests helpful, positively enlightening sometimes.
[url]http://keirsey.com/[/url]
I suggest you both do the sorter and see where you both sit. There's info there about pairings and stuff too.
ship her off to new york
step 2.
meet a cooler girl who even as just a friend makes you realize that there definatly are way cooler girls out there, you just gotta look
step 3.
upon her return from and introducing her to your new boyfriend, realize you can break new boyfriend like a twig by only flexing one mighty eyebrow, cause he's a spindly little guy.
step 4.
relax.
seriously, its time, and meeting new people. I carried this torch for this girl for three years, and it was only in making a couple new friends, that i realized there are better ones out there.
Now im just bitter and cynical in general! ;)
Or you could just remove the emotion/feeling. Look at me, I dont love anything or anyone. Yet I still have a good looking "girlfriend" that claims to love me and shit like that. Will be meeting her in 56 days even actually, on the other side of the globe almost, but still.
And she thinks, and her friends, that I'm head over heels (or whatever the expression) for her. Ofcourse there's always a chance I might after meeting her, but I could always embrace the more darker side in me. Which would mean I'd get a sort of revenge. I'd need to find more girls to do it to after that tho.. to get it done right. ;)
D I S T A N C E I S R E L A T I V E
for you, you live in Australia right? Big damn island with major cities located on the coast right? Lots of nothing in between. 8-10 hour drive is nothing for you. Here in the States, especially in the east 8-10 hours can get you across several states. In Texas it doesnt get you very far, except across the state. To some people thats a long way, and as Red described it, too far away to do anything about his feelings for her. ok.
Also, Ive been on a slow ass boat crossing the Atlantic Ocean for 2 months. Thats distance.
edit: sorry
For me though, I'm a hopeless romantic. I can survive without Love, but I cannot LIVE without Love:)
I'm rather amused by this distance debate! Yes, true love does not know distance, but our mutual love was fledgling, and needed more time to strengthen before seperation. So, in fledgling love, distance does matter. Especially when neither of our lives are set on a definate career path...we have no idea where either of us will end up.
Our love is in God's hands at this point...it's his will. But I'd rather not deal with the love that I have for her right now, which is at once a great blessing and a terrible curse.
Buy two tickets for some of the shows coming through town, then invite a friend. I actually invited a girl six months before an off-broadway came to the MSC, and though we weren't dating when it arrived, I still had a nice night out with a friend.
As a word of encouragement, I met my wife at TAMU. There's plenty of wonderful women there. If you 're set on this one, spend the next few years getting the degree thing out of the way, do some maturing, let her do the same, then see what happens later. In the meantime, enjoy life. If you don't, you'll look back and regret it when either a) you are with her in ten years or b) you're happily with someone else in ten years.
My $0.02, IMHO, your mileage may vary, etc.
You can get close to people without having feelings for them one way or the other. It's simpler that way. True. People might consider me cruel, especially if this girl actually has feelings for me. But better to be Vlad the Impaler than some average guy that gets tossed around. ;)
Fightin' Texas Aggie Class of '05...A-A-A WHOOP!
Still. Didn't stop me from getting a (supposedly) gf. Ofcourse.. in thailand, so, even if it went bad, there's plenty of opportunities for me (most do cost a bit, but hey.. it's fine. ;) )
[B]NEVER ATTEMPT AN INTERNET RELATIONSHIP PERIOD! U WILL GET PLAYED! [/B][/QUOTE]
Really? Always?
[B]Sean, you know Bennett AKA Demon AKA Pizzone from Asylum? [b]He[/b]'s in love with me. I think my problem trumps anyone else's. :D [/B][/QUOTE]
One of my GFs buddies thinks Im the hottest [b]he[/b]s ever seen, and keeps trying to break us up.:rolleyes:
[B]NEVER ATTEMPT AN INTERNET RELATIONSHIP PERIOD! U WILL GET PLAYED! [/B][/QUOTE]
*raises her eyebrows* umm....do you want to tell him, Worf?
-Φ
[B]NEVER ATTEMPT AN INTERNET RELATIONSHIP PERIOD! U WILL GET PLAYED! [/B][/QUOTE]
:rolleyes:
[B]NEVER ATTEMPT AN INTERNET RELATIONSHIP PERIOD! U WILL GET PLAYED! [/B][/QUOTE]
I trust Phi more than anyone else I know, we have known each other for 18 months now and she is coming to visit in a month's time :D
Worf
[B]NEVER ATTEMPT AN INTERNET RELATIONSHIP PERIOD! U WILL GET PLAYED! [/B][/QUOTE]
Not always! Me and my b/f am proof of that. I've had bad relationships with men in my town and men long distance. Though I do agree that long distance via internet/letters etc.. is alot harder to maintain relationships and that you can find when you do meet up, that they are quite different. Even me and b/f didn't find it easy but things worked out in the end.
I know a few ppl where they're relationships worked out good and some bad via internet.
God luck Phi and Worf! :)
[B]God luck Phi and Worf! :) [/B][/QUOTE]
Thankyou :D you too :)
Worf