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The Matrix Revolutions In Five Minutes!

A2597A2597 Fanboy
in Zocalo v2.0
EDIT:
WTF...OK, I need to apologise, somehow when I copied it over I missed the first sentance...I did NOT make this, sorry about that....


*SPOILERS*


*SPOILERS*


*SPOILERS*

Created by Donner, from rottentomatoes.com forums.


MAGGIE: Hey, Trinity, how are you?

TRINITY: Fine. How’s Neo?

NEO: I’m still unconscious.



NEO: Where am I?

INDIAN GUY: You’re in a subway.

NEO: Awesome. Gimmie a turkey and cheese on white.

INDIAN GUY: Thank you, come again!

LITTLE GIRL: I’m obnoxious!



ORACLE: Find the trainman.

MORPHEUS: Why are you different?

ORACLE: I made sacrifices.

MORPHEUS: So did the casting department it looks like.

ORACLE: Take Seraph with you. He’s cool and the audience likes him.

SERAPH: Hoooo. Sank you, Oracrew!

MORPHEUS: I liked the old Oracle better.



TRINITY: Look, there’s the Train Man! Let’s chase him!

TRINTY, MORPHEUS, & SERAPH: Chase, chase, chase, chase, chase!

TRAIN MAN: Run, run, run, run, run, escape!

TRINITY: He got away!

MORPHEUS: At least we had a little action to go along with all this exposition and set up.



NEO: Where’s my sandwich?

TRAIN MAN: You stay here!

NEO: But I don’t wanna!

TRAIN MAN: I smack you!

NEO: You’re mean!



TRINITY: I want my Neo back.

MEROVINGIAN: No!

TRINITY: I’m pointing a gun at you.

MEROVINGIAN: Okay, you can have him back.



TRINITY: Neo, you’re back!

NEO: Where’s my sandwich?



NEO: I have to see the Oracle.

TRINITY: Why?

NEO: Because I have to know why she looks different.



ORACLE: Hello, Neo, I will answer any question…

NEO: Why…

ORACLE: …as long as it doesn’t involve why I look different.

NEO: I’ll just leave.



ZION PERSON #1: Machines still coming?

ZION PERSON #2: Yep, we’re still screwed.



MORPHEUS: Hey, Niobe.

NIOBE: Hey, Morpheus. Wanna give my ship a jump so we can show the audience that handle starter-thingy that’ll be important later in the movie.

MORPHEUS: Yes.

TRINITY: Whoa, get a load of that sexual tension.

NEO: Sandwich?



ZION PERSON #1: Machines still coming?

ZION PERSON #2: Yep, we’re still screwed.



NEO: All right, you guys get back to Zion in that ship and Trinity and I will go to the machine city in this one.

CAP’N ASSHOLE: You can’t do that! I’m closed minded!

NEO: I’m crying.

NIOBE: Neo, take my ship, you pathetic man-woman.

TRINITY & NEO: Yay! We’re off to certain death!



KID: I’m scared!

OLD GUY: You’re too young!

KID: The machines are going to kill me too!

OLD GUY: Maybe the machines aren’t that bad after all.

KID: Yeah, I… HEY!



AGENT SMITH: Hello, Oracle, why do you look…?

ORACLE: Shut up and do that black tar thing.



ZION PERSON #1: Machines still coming?

ZION PERSON #2: Machines are here.

ZION: ARRRRRRRRGH! BANG, BANG, BANG! KA-BOOM! WAR CLICHÉ! WAR CLICHÉ!

ZION PERSON #1: Looks like World War II just started.



NIOBE: We have to sneak past these sentinels and get to Zion! They will come destroy us if they hear a sound!

MORPHEUS: Oops, I just farted.

NIOBE: Goddamnit! Now we have to escape through these tunnels that no one but I can pilot down!

CAP’N ASSHOLE: This is never going to work! You both suck! I have a small penis!



ZION: ARRRRRRRRGH! BANG, BANG, BANG! KA-BOOM! WAR CLICHÉ! WAR CLICHÉ!

BOY: I’m scared!



AGENT SMITH: Hey, Neo!

NEO: Are you here to give me my sandwich?

AGENT SMITH: I’m here to KILL YOU!

NEO: Ow, my eyes! You’re a dick!

AGENT SMITH: It’s inevitable, Mr. Anderson… I…

NEO: Why did the Oracle look different?

AGENT SMITH: I… I don’t know. Hey, how are you looking at me if your eyes are gone?

NEO: CLANG!

AGENT SMITH: Ow, my head! Urk!



MEROVINGIAN: You mean that little bit at the beginning was my whole scene? THIS BLOWS GOAT ASS!



NIOBE: The sentinels are coming after us! Quick, let’s rip off The Final Flight of the Osiris! That should save us!

MORPHEUS: They all died in that movie.

NIOBE: Shut up.

MORPHEUS: No.



TRINTIY: We’re on the surface!

NEO: Watch me blow up all the machines coming after us!

TRINITY: You didn’t get them all.

NEO: Shit. Fly up and maybe we’ll crash in the machine city.

TRINITY: Good idea. Oh, hey look! It’s the sun! This is a beautiful and poetic moment for me and that means I’m probably dead meat!

NEO: Meat? I never did get that sandwich.

TRINITY: We’re crashing.

NEO: Do that handle thing that Niobe showed everyone!

TRINITY: We started it! Now if we can just get the ship to pull u--

SHIP: CRASH!



OLD MAN: I’m dying, but it was very brave you coming out and reloading my kill-bot.

BOY: I’m scared.

OLD MAN: Shoot the chains so that Niobe’s ship can come in and we can have more special effects!

BOY: Okay! BANG!

DOG: Arf!

OLD MAN: What was that?

BOY: Nothing. BANG!

CAT: MEOW!

BOY: Shit!



NIOBE: One special effects sequence coming up!

SHIP: Crash!

EMP: BANG!

SENTENIEL: BLORG!

CAP’N ASSHOLE: Mama!



TRINITY: Neo, I’m dying. There’s something I have to tell you. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah…

NEO: Like, just die all ready!

TRINITY: HURK!



CAP’N ASSHOLE: More sentinels are coming. Niobe, Morpheus… You two really screwed up thus invalidating your previous heroic actions. Let’s go hide!

MORPHEUS: Okay!

NIOBE: Cool.



MACHINE: Speak!

NEO: My sandwich. Is it here?

MACHINE: Shut up!

NEO: Smith has grown beyond your control. I can stop him.

MACHINE: What do I care? I was going to destroy the Matrix anyway, remember?

NEO: Shut up!

MACHINE: No, you shut up!

NEO: You shut up!



AGENT SMITH: Mr. Anderson, welcome back. We missed you.

NEO: It ends tonight.

AGENT SMITH: To keep the movie from getting too exciting, my clones are just going to watch, okay?

NEO: Cop out much?

AGENT SMITH & NEO: Fight, fight, fight, fight, punch, punch, punch, punch!

AGENT SMITH: I win!

NEO: Okay!

AGENT SMITH: I take you over!

NEO: Arrrrrrrgh!

AGENT SMITH: Hey, what the…? Aw, fu—

AGENT SMITHS: Explode, explode, explode, explode, explode, explode, explode, explode, explode, explode, explode, explode, explode, explode, explode, explode!



NIOBE: The sentinels are going away!

MORPHEUS: Neo did it!

NIOBE: Did what?

MORPHEUS: Who cares! Now I can have sex with you!

NIOBE & MORPHEUS: Yay!



MACHINE: It is done.

NEO: Hey, look! I’m Jesus! ACK!



LITTLE GIRL: I’m still obnoxious!

ORACLE: Hello, Architect.

ARCHITECT: Sup, baby. Care to explain what just happened?

ORCALE: Who cares!? If they sat through this much of the movie, they can’t ask for a refund! All that money is ours!

LITTLE GIRL: Will we ever see Neo again?

ARCHITECT: It depends on how hard up the Wachowski’s get, little girl.



THE END
«1

Comments

  • Rogue TraderRogue Trader Somebody stop him...
    fuckin brillant
  • SanfamSanfam I like clocks.
    Seems like the guy who does the Five Minute Star Trek episodes.

    Great stuff!
  • Morden279Morden279 Genius
    *Applauds* :)

    [i]Five[/i] minute Star Trek Episodes? I could easily cover one in two. ;)

    Regards,
    Morden
  • MundaneMundane Elite Ranger
    stupid....the movie was great...
  • AggamemnonAggamemnon Earthforce Officer
    Nice rundown A2597, but you at least could have put in the rip off of Paul Atredies from Dune :rolleyes:
  • A2597A2597 Fanboy
    [QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Aggamemnon [/i]
    [B]Nice rundown A2597, but you at least could have put in the rip off of Paul Atredies from Dune :rolleyes: [/B][/QUOTE]

    which was a rip off of another charechtor and so fourth and so on right back to the bible, right? ;)
  • the_exilethe_exile Kupo!
    [QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Aggamemnon [/i]
    [B]Nice rundown A2597, but you at least could have put in the rip off of Paul Atredies from Dune :rolleyes: [/B][/QUOTE]

    This I have to see! :)
  • StrikerStriker Provided with distinction
    *cues Dune music from the Sci-Fi Channel mini series*
  • the_exilethe_exile Kupo!
    [QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Striker [/i]
    [B]*cues Dune music from the Sci-Fi Channel mini series* [/B][/QUOTE]

    Speak not of that Abomination... :mad:
  • JackNJackN <font color=#99FF99>Lightwave Alien</font>
    [QUOTE][i]Originally posted by the_exile [/i]
    [B]Speak not of that Abomination... :mad: [/B][/QUOTE]

    Heh... I have to agree... I've had mixed emotions about the two miniseries on Sci-Fi, but I still love the theater version fo Dune more, as lacking as it was...

    :)
  • the_exilethe_exile Kupo!
    [QUOTE][i]Originally posted by JackN [/i]
    [B]Heh... I have to agree... I've had mixed emotions about the two miniseries on Sci-Fi, but I still love the theater version fo Dune more, as lacking as it was...

    :) [/B][/QUOTE]

    Never saw the movie, only the two miniseries, which were terrible... Though Ghanima wasn't that bad. :D
  • StrikerStriker Provided with distinction
    Gah! I liked both of them. In fact, I've got both on DVD. :)

    The music is great on both of them. I can't wait until the 3rd one.

    I hate the theatrical release of Dune. *shudders*
  • A2597A2597 Fanboy
    Dune miniseries ROCKS. Absolutly ROCKS. BOTH make my best films ever list. thats VERY impressive IMO.

    and the music ROCKS! I'm still hunting for the COD DVD. I have the directers cut of the first one though, and the COD soundtrack.
  • the_exilethe_exile Kupo!
    The third one going to cover God Emperor? It seems that Children was actually Messiah plus Children to me, and I don't think they could include stories separated by thousands of years. :D

    Oh, and I withdraw my judgement on the miniseries. I don't remember the first one at all, and Children, I only remember that there were a couple of hot chicks, and that they made Leto and Ghanima appear even more incestuous then in the books. I can't even remember Stilgar being in it. Was he?
  • Rogue TraderRogue Trader Somebody stop him...
    There is no directors cut of COD out yet, why i dont own it. Cuz i thought it was awesome, couldve shouldve been better IMO but overall a good followup. And the score is FANTASTIC.
  • A2597A2597 Fanboy
    you know, he scored the ENTIRE FILM in 2 weeks. from the time he was told go to the time he finished.

    he also learned the fremin language for the one track. read the books to figure enough out to make a song. pretty amazing.
  • the_exilethe_exile Kupo!
    [QUOTE][i]Originally posted by A2597 [/i]
    [B]you know, he scored the ENTIRE FILM in 2 weeks. from the time he was told go to the time he finished.

    he also learned the fremin language for the one track. read the books to figure enough out to make a song. pretty amazing. [/B][/QUOTE]

    I wasn't aware that Herbert actually created the entire language. Then again, considering how technical he gets in the glossary, it's not that surprising.
  • A2597A2597 Fanboy
    yep, whole new language. its not a flushed out as say, Elvish, or the Old Tounge (Lord of the Rings and the Wheel of Time, respectivly) but its still there. :)
  • the_exilethe_exile Kupo!
    So... anyone going to post the Dune parody thing that got us started on this topic?
  • A2597A2597 Fanboy
    I've never seen it...

    it DID remind me of the WoT summarys...those were PRICELESS. still have them all on disc.
  • the_exilethe_exile Kupo!
    [QUOTE][i]Originally posted by A2597 [/i]
    [B]I've never seen it...

    it DID remind me of the WoT summarys...those were PRICELESS. still have them all on disc. [/B][/QUOTE]

    Maybe I'm just tired, but WoT?
  • SanfamSanfam I like clocks.
    Wheel of Time. It's A2597's addiction.
  • A2597A2597 Fanboy
    And Biggles...and RC's....and a few million others...
  • BigglesBiggles <font color=#AAFFAA>The Man Without a Face</font>
    Actually, it isn't my addiction. I still haven't read the latest book.
    To save yourself 10000 pages of very drawn-out reading:
    [url]http://rinkworks.com/bookaminute/b/jordan.eyeworld.shtml[/url]
    [url]http://rinkworks.com/bookaminute/b/jordan.hunt.shtml[/url]
    [url]http://rinkworks.com/bookaminute/b/jordan.reborn.shtml[/url]
    [url]http://rinkworks.com/bookaminute/b/jordan.shadow.shtml[/url]
    [url]http://rinkworks.com/bookaminute/b/jordan.fires.shtml[/url]
    [url]http://rinkworks.com/bookaminute/b/jordan.chaos.shtml[/url]
    [url]http://rinkworks.com/bookaminute/b/jordan.crown.shtml[/url]
    [url]http://rinkworks.com/bookaminute/b/jordan.path.shtml[/url]
    [url]http://rinkworks.com/bookaminute/b/jordan.winters.shtml[/url]
    [url]http://rinkworks.com/bookaminute/b/jordan.crossroads.shtml[/url]

    (Note: if you actually do plan on reading the books, don't read those cause they have spoilers, and believe me, with spoilers it'd be impossible to make it through the 10 books.)
  • SanfamSanfam I like clocks.
    that site's freakin' great :D
  • StrikerStriker Provided with distinction
    Ehh....that's not a good site. BAD SITE!
  • BigglesBiggles <font color=#AAFFAA>The Man Without a Face</font>
    It's a funny site. :)
    Although the more recent ones tend to be more about hassling the author than condensing the book, which is dissapointing.
  • A2597A2597 Fanboy
    Gah, Biggles, those are horrid little abominations not worthy of being called summarys.

    now THESE are truely classics!

    [url="http://www.b5-blender.com/temp/Eyeoftheworld.txt"]EOTW Summary[/url]
    [url="http://www.b5-blender.com/temp/TheGreatHunt.txt"]THFTH Summary[/url]
    [url="http://www.b5-blender.com/temp/TheDragonReborn.txt"]TDR Summary[/url]

    I have the others as well...all keep getting better! :)
  • the_exilethe_exile Kupo!
    Since I have a migraine and I fear light-colored pages like nothing else, I'm not clicking the links. What do the acronyms mean? Anything worth reading?
  • SanfamSanfam I like clocks.
    [QUOTE][i]Originally posted by A2597 [/i]
    [B]Gah, Biggles, those are horrid little abominations not worthy of being called summarys.

    now THESE are truely classics!

    [url="http://www.b5-blender.com/temp/Eyeoftheworld.txt"]EOTW Summary[/url]
    [url="http://www.b5-blender.com/temp/TheGreatHunt.txt"]THFTH Summary[/url]
    [url="http://www.b5-blender.com/temp/TheDragonReborn.txt"]TDR Summary[/url]

    I have the others as well...all keep getting better! :) [/B][/QUOTE]

    Actually, they're freakin' great!
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