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Life sucks!!!
C_Mon
A Genuine Sucker
in Zocalo v2.0
I don't know why I feel like this but I just do. Perhaps it's because I've been listening to my former friend and hearing him brag about stuff. Really I don't care, but I just relized that that's how all people are around here (not firstones, the people I live around). I guess in 2 years when I'll bee out of the military I'll take my YZF 600R and drive to Japan and find some hot girl. If not I'll probably get killed in a traffic-accident on the way over there.
I really hope I'll feel better tomorrow because I starting to feel realy depressed.
:( :( :( there are no really depressed smily! :(
I really hope I'll feel better tomorrow because I starting to feel realy depressed.
:( :( :( there are no really depressed smily! :(
Comments
Hell, I coulda told u that!
[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by C_Mon [/i]
[B]I don't know why I feel like this but I just do. Perhaps it's because I've been listening to my former friend and hearing him brag about stuff. Really I don't care, but I just relized that that's how all people are around here (not firstones, the people I live around). I guess in 2 years when I'll bee out of the military I'll take my YZF 600R and drive to Japan and find some hot girl. If not I'll probably get killed in a traffic-accident on the way over there.
I really hope I'll feel better tomorrow because I starting to feel realy depressed.
:( :( :( there are no really depressed smily! :( [/B][/QUOTE]
Let me know when you're around here, Järvenpää/Helsinki, and I'll cheer you up.
I've fucked everything beyond redemption. Friends, life, future, past. Everything. I want/have to die for it too.
I could give you my life's story, but then you'd either laugh your ass off at my misfortune, or hang yourself after getting tired of hearing my bullshit. Or just make yourself go deaf. and blind.
Is that possible? :D
[QUOTE]I've fucked everything beyond redemption. Friends, life, future, past. Everything. I want/have to die for it too.[/QUOTE]
Hasnt everyone done that at somepoint?
I only see 2 ways out of this sucking life.
1: Die, allthough I would really want to go to space befor I do that.
2: Save all the money I earn from now on and in about 2 years move to Japan or New Zeland.
Only thing I would miss if I moved is my 5 friends that are real friends and have helped me the last 3 years I known them. This may not seem as a bad life to you Refa, but I just feel depressed. Perhaps it's only for today but this feeling been comeing more and more into my life (not the first time I have this feeling).
Why is everone I know thinking of going to NZ?
[QUOTE]Perhaps it's only for today but this feeling been comeing more and more into my life (not the first time I have this feeling).[/QUOTE]
Maybe u should see a doc about that. I know when i was very depressed they gave me some 'good shit' that took the edge off it. Fair enough it put me to sleep, but i didnt really want to be awake at the time anyway.
No it isnt!.....................is it?
I now what the problem in my life is, and that's not haveing a asian girl with me at the moment. If this feeling won't leave when I got that, I'll go see a doctor.
[B]Well, Refa I live in Sipoo and is every weekend in Helsinki. I'm really sorry if you feel that way about your life, allthough my life-story doesn't really cheer one up. The really depressing thing is that I didn't do anything wrong in my life, it was those people around me that made it what it is now. I can't blame my family, they allways been here to suport me, but it's those people that trashes my dreams that I hate. I'll give you some examples when I feel like I can.
I only see 2 ways out of this sucking life.
1: Die, allthough I would really want to go to space befor I do that.
2: Save all the money I earn from now on and in about 2 years move to Japan or New Zeland.
Only thing I would miss if I moved is my 5 friends that are real friends and have helped me the last 3 years I known them. This may not seem as a bad life to you Refa, but I just feel depressed. Perhaps it's only for today but this feeling been comeing more and more into my life (not the first time I have this feeling). [/B][/QUOTE]
Well, I dont believe I've done anything wrong in my life either. I just have hard time keeping friends.
Or finding good ones.
I mean, last nite I just thought how the hell did I end up this way.
You know, I was remembering something that happened in the early 90s. When some fucked up elderly alcoholic janitor forced me and my friend to this old crone's house (he took hold of my friends collar and I wasn't gonna leave him alone with him). They accused us of breaking the bitches mail box, because my friend had a one colour in his cap that was similar to what one of the guys that had broken the box had had.
Anyway, then I started thinking about how/when did I lose contact with that guy. Haven't seen/talked to him in decade or so. After that I started thinking about all the other friendships I've had.
None of them has lasted over 5 years. Shortest one was less than a year really, wasn't much of a friendship tho. Met her online, sent a few letters and got few back. Guess I'm to blame for it even though I was in the army for 6 months, and didn't have much time to be online or use icq there. Oh well, got few letters and some pictures left. Maybe I should return them to her or something.
Anyway, when I think about it, It's prolly mostly my fault they don't last. Either it's depression (which I've had, now that I think of it, since from the 5th grade really, in different ways. During 7th-9th grade I ate.. I really ate, like an american would. And I was 112 kg.) After I lost the weight and such in Krav Maga, I think i started cutting myself, or maybe I had done that before. I know my heads not been the same since I took some pills, which was around 5th grade or something.
Other reason is ofcourse the one that I dont/didn't really stay in touch with "friends" that lived in the same country either. I mean, sure, I could send email once in a while, or sms. But not call. I can't make myself to do that. If I do, I usually sweat like hell and have hard time keeping my thoughts coherent. And it wasn't like that always, as a kid i remember that I was able to call easily. Or go meet people. That's something I can't do now either.
I had to send two emails to my last remaining "friend" when she asked me to come to party at her place, just to make sure I was welcome. Heh. Maybe I'll be losing my reflection from mirrors next. ;)
(note to those that don't know vampire mythology, according to some, vampires can't enter a house/dwelling unless invited. They dont have refletion on mirror/film either)
That was a long winded rant, but said it anyway. Had to translate from a message I wrote last night, and was going to post at another place in another language, but didn't.
Closest thing I 've gotten to a relationship, and will get in my life, is playing True Love. :)
It's pretty good game, with some slight hentai theme. You don't really get to "see" anything but in the end, and you have to play it through. It's like an rpg really. Should put a link here if I find one..
My relationships with girls have never really been my strong point. I mean they all want just to be friend. Those that I have tried getting closer with got boyfriends or they just don't want a boyfriend at the time. I once got a girl iterested in me, allthough that was on ABI risteily. Because of that I had been drinking and wasn't really sober so she left me at about 3a.m. That was the closet I've ever come to a girl. I guess I must get drunk more often.
I don't know about you Refa, but I really hope the best for you! Perhaps we should meet at Ravintola Showhouse in Nikkilä(Sipoo) some time and get drunk.
[B]I know I don't really got it that bad, it's just this night that I feel like this.
My relationships with girls have never really been my strong point. I mean they all want just to be friend. Those that I have tried getting closer with got boyfriends or they just don't want a boyfriend at the time. I once got a girl iterested in me, allthough that was on ABI risteily. Because of that I had been drinking and wasn't really sober so she left me at about 3a.m. That was the closet I've ever come to a girl. I guess I must get drunk more often.
I don't know about you Refa, but I really hope the best for you! Perhaps we should meet at Ravintola Showhouse in Nikkilä(Sipoo) some time and get drunk. [/B][/QUOTE]
Depends on how much does it cost to get to Sipoo from Kyrölä/Järvenpää, and if there's a place for me to crash in if I get too drunk to get home.
And don't bother hoping best for me, I'm through. Period. I've gone past the turning point.
And you've got closer to a girl than what I ever have.. sure.. there was this one or two when I was younger, but I didn't have much idea about sex then.. damnit. heh.
Anyway. All I have to blame, is myself. For letting myself be fooled like that. I'm really slow, and stupid really.. I guess I've gotten a bit paranoid now too, but atleast I can see it more clearly now. The deceit and lies.
Pessimist. I thought like that once, and now 3 yrs later i've been around the world and am off to uni in 4 weeks. Thats something that i was convinced id never live to see, what with my allergies and all that depression.
There is still hope, even for people like us!
[B]and how would I get to Sipoo? [/B][/QUOTE]
I don't know, taxi? Sorry, I don't got a place to crash.
There's allways hope, but sometimes it's hard to see it.
True, but if life were easy then what would the point be? I came thru my fires a totally different person, but in the end I wouldnt change the past as it made me a far stronger person.
[img]http://www.gamingforums.com/images/smilies/yeahthat.gif[/img]
That it does. If I weren't so passionate about my writing, I'd probably be suicidal (or dead), instead of just depressed and lonely. I'm a geek, and while I've got friends of both genders, I've never come even close to having a girlfriend. I don't even care... I couldn't stand to be with someone who wasn't at least my intellectual equal, and I've never met a girl my age who was.
I'm probably a bit egotistical because everyone who knows [i]me[/i]--the person I am when I write, the person behind the social mask--has told me that I am brilliant, and that I should continue to write, but I do know that I am, at the very least, above average as far as maturity is concerned, though I don't often show it.
I think the thing that depresses me is that I know I'm not really depressed, but I write best when I'm despressed... My life is based around my writing, and my grades have been impacted by this, because I'll often jot down a page or two of notes on some minute aspect of whatever I'm currently dreaming up, instead of the assigned notes. I have stacks of notecards and notebooks filled with random ideas, societal concepts, characters, sketches, and whatever else I think up stashed away in my room, and on CD. I think my writing will quite possible ruin my dream of going to a good college and learning more and better writing skills. But all of that doesn't matter, because I know school does nothing for writing ability, beyond teaching basic grammer; nothing really matters, recently, but my writing.
Like I was saying before I went off on that tangent, however, the thing that depresses me is how un-depressed I am. I'm cynical--[i]very[/i] cynical--most of the time, but I've found that my cynicism, and general apathy toward all of existence, allows me to see things from any point of view... I'm a terrible debater, because I understand the other party's side, and several other sides not even being represented. This apathy extends toward my failing studies, and every one of my other failings, as well; I don't care that I'm a failure in most everything that society deems important. Society can f*ck itself; society is what instructed my elementary school teachers to teach me to fit in with everyone else, and do what they did, instead of doing what I wanted to do--write. Society is what told my parents that the thing I love to do most on this God-forsaken rock is not a reliable career path, and as such, shouldn't be followed by their son. Society is what taught adults to roll their eyes and smile a knowing smile at my "teenage rebellion," AKA my utter contempt for Humanity. The only thing I care about is the fact that I [i]don't[/i] care... Because by not caring, my failures don't depress me, and I write best when I am depressed, so this whole confusing, ramble-filled paragraph boils down to: Life Sucks.
[B]I don't know, taxi? Sorry, I don't got a place to crash.
[/B][/QUOTE]
Nah. They cost too much. What about bus?
damnit.. [url]http://pathfinder3.meridian.fi/ytv/fi/[/url] couldn't find how I'd get to sipoo either. oh well. Guess it's settled then, no getting drunk fer me. :)
[B]Pessimist. I thought like that once, and now 3 yrs later i've been around the world and am off to uni in 4 weeks. Thats something that i was convinced id never live to see, what with my allergies and all that depression.
There is still hope, even for people like us! [/B][/QUOTE]
I started being more positive a bit over a year ago, then I got what I had coming from letting my guard down and with vengeance. Heart muscle infection they said in hospital. You know, things like that give you new insight on life.
And there is no hope, not for the likes of me. I'm hopeless. :)
Every day I go somewhere on a train, I want to jump in front of it. I want to die, but I can't do it here.
Honestly speaking, I'm starting to despise myself. I felt like I was going to puke after that one long message. I'm pathetic weakling, almost as low like those bums who are drug addicts and such (there was document about them on TV2 in finland on sunday). And all my weaknesses really make me revolted.
[B]I started being more positive a bit over a year ago, then I got what I had coming from letting my guard down and with vengeance. Heart muscle infection they said in hospital. You know, things like that give you new insight on life.
And there is no hope, not for the likes of me. I'm hopeless. :)
Every day I go somewhere on a train, I want to jump in front of it. I want to die, but I can't do it here.
Honestly speaking, I'm starting to despise myself. I felt like I was going to puke after that one long message. I'm pathetic weakling, almost as low like those bums who are drug addicts and such (there was document about them on TV2 in finland on sunday). And all my weaknesses really make me revolted. [/B][/QUOTE]
It's scary to laugh at some guy on a message board, until you start agreeing with him. I'm not as suicidal as you, Refa, but you make good points.
Visions of the things to be
The pains that are withheld for me
I realise and I can see
That suicide is painless
It brings on many changes
I can take or leave it if I please
That game of life is hard to play
I'm gonna lose it anyway
The losing card I'll some day lay
So this is all I have to say
That suicide is painless
It brings on many changes
I can take or leave it if I please
The sword of time will pierce our skin
It doesn't hurt when it begins
But as it works its way on in
The pain grows stronger, watch it grin
That suicide is painless
It brings on many changes
And I can take or leave it if I please
A brave man once requested me
To answer questions that are key
Is it to be or not to be
And I replied oh why ask me
That suicide is painless
It brings on many changes
And I can take or leave it if I...
That suicide is painless
It brings on many changes
I can take or leave it if I please
That suicide is painless
It brings on many changes
And you can do the same thing if you please
[B]It's scary to laugh at some guy on a message board, until you start agreeing with him. I'm not as suicidal as you, Refa, but you make good points. [/B][/QUOTE]
That's because I've lived with this thing for a decade now almost, and because I'm right.
No matter what people say about thinking positive or such, it's not possible for me. I've been for few weeks without cutting myself now, and has it been because I've been more positive? No. It's because I've been thinking pretty much nothing but my death. I know I'll start cutting myself again soon thought. But hell, as long as I can keep the knife away from my face, I should be fine.
(Actually, I lie a bit there. Last monday my dalmatian accidentally scratched at my face, and I made the scars bigger by cutting my face a bit, but otherwise it's been bloodless week or two)
[B]Through early morning fog I see
Visions of the things to be
The pains that are withheld for me
I realise and I can see
That suicide is painless
It brings on many changes
I can take or leave it if I please
That game of life is hard to play
I'm gonna lose it anyway
The losing card I'll some day lay
So this is all I have to say
That suicide is painless
It brings on many changes
I can take or leave it if I please
The sword of time will pierce our skin
It doesn't hurt when it begins
But as it works its way on in
The pain grows stronger, watch it grin
That suicide is painless
It brings on many changes
And I can take or leave it if I please
A brave man once requested me
To answer questions that are key
Is it to be or not to be
And I replied oh why ask me
That suicide is painless
It brings on many changes
And I can take or leave it if I...
That suicide is painless
It brings on many changes
I can take or leave it if I please
That suicide is painless
It brings on many changes
And you can do the same thing if you please [/B][/QUOTE]
Sort of reminds me of the song "rape can be funny". Never listened to it though. But the title gives me the impression it could be similar.
Well, since everybody have been telling their life stories here, i could add mine...
I'm an now 18 years old and this "hell" started when i was 14.I was deeply depressed.Nothing interested me, everything was like hell and i thought about death every second...i started soon cutting myself.it wasn't like i was "screaming" for help i just hated myself so much.cutting is bad but if you can take it to another level then it's really out of control...but anyway...soon i started to stub cigarettes to my arm...i liked afterwards to show my scars and wounds to others cause i loved their reaction...they probable hadn't ever think that live isn't just one beautiful trip and then is the end what you are not allowed to think cause dying is a horrible thing...but nowdays i have no desire to cut myself but there is still that self-destructive part in me...i've just become so passive that i don't care...i would sure love to know what has happened to those people who have had the same kind of past...i'd really love to know are they as passive as i am or is it just what i did wrong at some point...
depression is an ugly beast, yours truly carries a big stick to beat it with, and occasionally it gets in a few fangs and I bleed for a while...
I'm most unpleasant to be with whilst licking those kinds of wounds.
Anyways, suicide is for the chicken shit loser. Offing yourself only results in you 'resetting' your life. You come back and face the same challenges you faced in this life. Keeping offing yourself and you keep coming back, again and again... so...head down mother fucker... deal with it, even death is no escape.
besides which, if you can survive suicidal depression... theres fuck all else in this world that can even scratch you. Nobody can touch you because your mind has had all that 'resistance training' to stress.
in situations where everyone else whimpers and crumbles... you keep fucking swinging, probably with more vigour than before. I kinda feel sorry for 'sane' and 'un-depressed' people because if and when they face some awful shit in thier life, they become babbling messes incapable of wiping thier own arses. Us 'depressed' people crack jokes, laugh about it... and carry on...
In short, fight like fuck, soon enough you'll run out of dickheads to punch... (well atleast until the dickheads are so thin in your life you only have to cave in heads on the weekend)
Dont for a second think you are alone fellas... more people on this board than you realise have faced exactly the same shade of demon as you...
... and won.