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I am the very model of modern major general
The Cabl3 Guy
Elite Ranger
in Zocalo v2.0
The Newbie's Song
Dave Rogers, [email]dave.rogers@bt-sys.bt.co.uk[/email]
I am the very model of a Usenet individual,
I've information meaningless and ultimately trivial,
I know the basic elements of alien biology,
And all the hidden secrets of the Church of Scientology,
I've seen "The Wrath of Khan" and every Star Trek film that followed it,
I moan about my Servicecard and how the cash till swallowed it,
About the laws on handguns I am sending off a counterblast,
With many cheerful facts about the way you can MAKE MONEY FAST!
(ALL:
With many cheerful etc.
)
I'll tell you why the Japanese are taking over Panama,
And why the USA is still a better place than Canada,
In short, in matters meaningless and ultimately trivial,
I am the very model of a Usenet individual.
(ALL:
In short, in matters meaningless and ultimately trivial,
He is the very model of a Usenet individual.
)
I post in alt.revisionism lies about the Holocaust,
I cut my .sig to twenty lines, I didn't want to, I was forced,
I really can't believe the "Good Times" virus to be mythical,
And Clinton's raising taxes which is, frankly, bloody typical,
I've upset several people on alt.flame, I really don't know how,
And sent a thousand business cards to Mr. and Mrs. Shergold now,
I have a very poor grip of political geography,
And absolutely no involvement (yet!) in child pornography,
(ALL:
And absolutely no, etc.
I've paid two-fifty dollars for the Nieman-Marcus recipe,
And told the Spanish tourist's tale about the toothbrush pessary,
In short, in matters meaningless and ultimately trivial,
I am the very model of a Usenet individual.
(ALL:
In short, in matters meaningless and ultimately trivial,
He is the very model of a Usenet individual.
)
In fact, when I know what is meant by "binary" and "FTP",
When I know how to decode porno JPEGs from a .uue,
When I can handle HTML, Telnet, mail and IRC,
And when I know the words initialised to form "http",
When I have learnt what topics are acceptable in talk.bizarre,
When I know more of Usenet than the tailpipe of a motor-car,
In short, when I've a smattering of elementary netiquette,
You'll say a better individual has never surfed the Net.
(ALL:
You'll say a better individual, etc.
)
For my technical experience, although I claim to know it all
Could barely serve to run the installation disk from AOL;
But still, in matters meaningless and ultimately trivial,
I am the very model of a Usenet individual.
(ALL:
But still, in matters meaningless and ultimately trivial,
He is the very model of a Usenet individual.
)
Dave Rogers, [email]dave.rogers@bt-sys.bt.co.uk[/email]
I am the very model of a Usenet individual,
I've information meaningless and ultimately trivial,
I know the basic elements of alien biology,
And all the hidden secrets of the Church of Scientology,
I've seen "The Wrath of Khan" and every Star Trek film that followed it,
I moan about my Servicecard and how the cash till swallowed it,
About the laws on handguns I am sending off a counterblast,
With many cheerful facts about the way you can MAKE MONEY FAST!
(ALL:
With many cheerful etc.
)
I'll tell you why the Japanese are taking over Panama,
And why the USA is still a better place than Canada,
In short, in matters meaningless and ultimately trivial,
I am the very model of a Usenet individual.
(ALL:
In short, in matters meaningless and ultimately trivial,
He is the very model of a Usenet individual.
)
I post in alt.revisionism lies about the Holocaust,
I cut my .sig to twenty lines, I didn't want to, I was forced,
I really can't believe the "Good Times" virus to be mythical,
And Clinton's raising taxes which is, frankly, bloody typical,
I've upset several people on alt.flame, I really don't know how,
And sent a thousand business cards to Mr. and Mrs. Shergold now,
I have a very poor grip of political geography,
And absolutely no involvement (yet!) in child pornography,
(ALL:
And absolutely no, etc.
I've paid two-fifty dollars for the Nieman-Marcus recipe,
And told the Spanish tourist's tale about the toothbrush pessary,
In short, in matters meaningless and ultimately trivial,
I am the very model of a Usenet individual.
(ALL:
In short, in matters meaningless and ultimately trivial,
He is the very model of a Usenet individual.
)
In fact, when I know what is meant by "binary" and "FTP",
When I know how to decode porno JPEGs from a .uue,
When I can handle HTML, Telnet, mail and IRC,
And when I know the words initialised to form "http",
When I have learnt what topics are acceptable in talk.bizarre,
When I know more of Usenet than the tailpipe of a motor-car,
In short, when I've a smattering of elementary netiquette,
You'll say a better individual has never surfed the Net.
(ALL:
You'll say a better individual, etc.
)
For my technical experience, although I claim to know it all
Could barely serve to run the installation disk from AOL;
But still, in matters meaningless and ultimately trivial,
I am the very model of a Usenet individual.
(ALL:
But still, in matters meaningless and ultimately trivial,
He is the very model of a Usenet individual.
)
Comments
C. Scott Davis
BYRON:
I am the very model of a maudlin martyr telepath,
I've information that will prove that Bester is a psychopath,
My followers took secrets from the alien ambassadors,
From Drazi to the Pak'Ma'Ra, now most of them are after us;
I'm very well acquainted, too, with quotes that are Shakespearical,
But to avoid this tragedy, now that would take a miracle,
I realise our chances for success are likely very thin,
But even so, I went ahead and took our case to Sheridan.
TELEPATHS:
But even so, he went ahead and took our case to Sheridan.
But even so, he went ahead and took our case to Sheridan.
But even so, he went ahead and took our case to Sheridan.
BYRON:
I'm glad that Lyta's by my side, it really means a lot to me,
But Bester, given half a chance, would give her a lobotomy.
In short, I know that I can prove that Bester is a psychopath,
I am the very model of a maudlin martyr telepath,
TELEPATHS:
In short, he knows that he can prove that Bester is a psychopath,
He is the very model of a maudlin martyr telepath,
BYRON:
I know about our history, the Vorlons and the Shadow war;
From Lyta's mind I've learned exactly what we were created for,
And of Covert Intelligence, we'll even take a stab at that,
And in return we only want a planetary habitat;
My followers are telepaths, both gothic and emotional,
From time to time you might have heard us singing a devotional!
And though my sense of humour's overshadowed by life's trajedies,
Upon occasion I have even read those silly parodies.
TELEPATHS:
Upon occasion he has even read those silly parodies.
Upon occasion he has even read those silly parodies.
Upon occasion he has even read those silly parodies.
BYRON:
I used to work with Bester, though it saddens that I must inform,
You wouldn't think it now, I even wore a Psi-Cop's uniform:
In short, I know that I can prove that Bester is a psychopath,
I am the very model of a maudlin martyr telepath,
TELEPATHS:
In short, he knows that he can prove that Bester is a psychopath,
He is the very model of a maudlin martyr telepath,
BYRON:
I've tried to get my followers to keep a peaceful attitude,
But with my teachings, there are some who take a bit of latitude,
I realise, there's little chance for answers now adjutical,
We must re-join the Corps or face solutions pharmaceutical,
To end the hostage crisis, I have killed another telepath,
"REMEMBER BYRON" might turn out to be my final epitaph--
In short, I think it probable that this will be the death of me,
But in the end, you'd think instead, we could have used an effigy.
TELEPATHS:
But in the end, you'd think instead, we could have used an effigy.
But in the end, you'd think instead, we could have used an effigy.
But in the end, you'd think instead, we could have used an effigy.
BYRON:
Once I destroyed a transport, because Bester I would not defy,
He said that they were just mundanes, like that would somehow justify,
But still, I know that I can prove that Bester is a psychopath,
I am the very model of a maudlin martyr telepath.
TELEPATHS:
But still, he knows that he can prove that Bester is a psychopath,
He is the very model of a maudlin martyr telepath,
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sprite and virus battled side by side.
Attempting to reclaim the city
From the rift which opened wide.
But Megabyte betrayed Bob and
He threw him deep inside the pit.
The pit was closed
and Bob was hosed
and all that he could say was...
NOOOOOOOO!
Without Bob to protect us
We thought we would
have no barrier,
From he who would infect us,
except Enzo, which was scarier.
The city shivered terrified
from fear of the Infector's touch.
I guess your fear was verified,
I wasn't a protector much.
I guess our fear was verified,
he wasn't a protector much.
I guess our fear was verified,
he wasn't a protector much.
I guess our fear was verified,
he wasn't a protector-ector much!
It wasn't Enzo's fault at first,
he only was a little Sprite.
At best he was the worst but then
he slowly learned to do it right.
And just as he was getting skilled
a Game came down he couldn't win.
I thought for sure
they'd both been killed,
first Bob, then Enzo. Not again!
And just as he was getting skilled,
a Game came down he couldn't win.
She thought for sure
they'd both been killed,
first Bob, then Enzo. Not again!
I went from Game to Game,
I aged, I grew and lost my innocence.
I soon became enraged by each
and every bad experience.
The Sprite you knew was gone,
I had become a grim aggressor man.
I knew from that point on
that I was truly Bob's successor man.
The Sprite we knew was gone,
he had become a grim aggressor man.
He knew from that point on
that he was truly Bob's successor man.
I met up with the Webriders
and took the form of Interface.
I joined my gun with pirate swords
and sailed the seas of cyberspace.
And when at last the pair of us
Were finally reunited guys,
Our shouts of joy did blare because
we really were delighted guys.
We soon made tracks to Mainframe
so our friends could reunite with us.
We made it back and Megabyte
was waiting there to fight with us.
When Bob went face to face
to face to face with Hexadecimal.
His chances for survival shrank
from small to infinitesimal.
His chances for survival shrank
from small to infinitesimal.
His chances for survival shrank
from small to infinitesimal.
His chances for survival shrank
from small to infinitesi-esimal.
Bob helped to de-fragment my head,
while Matrix fought with Megabyte.
I thought he'd wind up dead,
but Matrix put up a terrific fight.
I'd dreamed of this each lonely night,
of doing in that virus trash.
But just as I had won the fight,
he engineering a system crash!
You dreamed of this each lonely night,
of doing in that virus trash.
But just as you had won the fight,
he engineered a system crash!
What Megabyte had hoped to do
was cause his death to crack us up.
I gambled on the User to reboot
and thereby back us up.
It worked! We all were born anew
and rid of things barbaric.
Now we're back together,
everything is Alphanumeric!
It worked! We all were born anew
and rid of things barbaric.
Now we're back together,
everything is Alphanumeric!
Now we're back together,
EVERYTHING IS ALPHANUMERIC!
[I]snip[/I]
[B]Now we're back together,
everything is Alphanumeric!
It worked! We all were born anew
and rid of things barbaric.
Now we're back together,
everything is Alphanumeric!
Now we're back together,
EVERYTHING IS ALPHANUMERIC! [/B][/QUOTE]
where is my whoopin stick.