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Dr. Seuss, Trekkie Style
WHY_old
Elite Ranger
in Zocalo v2.0
I found this on another forum, and I was rather amused...
Picard:
Sigma Indri, that's the star.
So, Data, how far? How far?
Data:
Our ship can get there very fast,
but still the trip will last and last.
We'll have two days till we arrive,
but can the Indrans there survive?
Picard:
LaForge, please give us factor nine.
LaForge:
But sir, the engines are offline!
Picard:
Offline! But why? I want to go!
Please make is so, please make it so!
Riker:
But sir, if Geordi says we can't,
we can't, we mustn't, and we shan't.
The danger here is far to great.
Picard:
But surely we must not be late!
Troi:
I'm sensing anger and great ire.
Computer:
Alert! Alert! The ship's on fire!
Picard:
The ship's on fire? How could this be?
Who lit the fire?
Riker:
Not me.
Worf:
Not me.
Picard:
Computer, how long till we die?
Computer:
Eight minutes left to say goodbye.
Data:
May I suggest a course to take?
We could, I think, quite safely make
extinguishers from tractor beams,
and stop the fire, or so it seems...
Geordi:
Hurray! Hurray! You've saved the day!
Again I say, hurray! Hurray!
Picard:
Mr. Data, thank you much.
You've saved our lives, our ship, and such.
Troi:
We still must save the Indran planet-
Data:
Which, by the way, is made of granite...
Picard:
Enough, you android. Please desist.
We understand-we get your gist.
But can we get our ship to go?
Please, make it so, please make it so.
Geordi:
There's sabotage among the wires,
and that's what started all the fires.
Riker:
We have a saboteur? Oh, no!
We need to go! We need to go!
Troi:
We must seek out the traitor spy,
and lock him up, and ask him why?
Worf:
Ask him why? How sentimental.
I say give him problems dental.
Troi:
Are any Romulan ships around?
Have scanners said that they've been found?
Or is it Borg or some new threat
that we haven't heard of yet?
I sense no malice in this crew.
Now what are we supposed to do?
Crusher:
Captain, please, the Indrans need us.
They cry out, Help us, clothe us, feed us!
I can't just sit and let them die!
A doctor must attempt-must try!
Picard:
Doctor, please, we'll get there soon.
Crusher:
They may be dead by Tuesday noon.
*Commercial break, commercial break.
How long will these dumb ads take?*
Worf:
The saboteur is in the brig.
He's very strong and very big.
I had my phaser set on stun-
A zzzip! A zzzap! Another one!
He would not budge, he would not fall.
He would not stun, no, not at all!
He changed into a stranger form,
all soft and purple, round and warm.
Picard:
Did you see this, Mr. Worf?
Did you see this creature morph?
Worf:
I did and then I beat him fairly,
hit him on the jaw-quite squarely.
Riker:
My commendations, Klingon friend!
Our troubles now are at an end.
Crusher:
Now let's get our ship to fly, and orbit yonder Indran sky!
Picard:
LaForge, please tell me we can go...?
Geordi:
Yes, sir, we can.
Picard:
Then make it so!
Author Unknown
Picard:
Sigma Indri, that's the star.
So, Data, how far? How far?
Data:
Our ship can get there very fast,
but still the trip will last and last.
We'll have two days till we arrive,
but can the Indrans there survive?
Picard:
LaForge, please give us factor nine.
LaForge:
But sir, the engines are offline!
Picard:
Offline! But why? I want to go!
Please make is so, please make it so!
Riker:
But sir, if Geordi says we can't,
we can't, we mustn't, and we shan't.
The danger here is far to great.
Picard:
But surely we must not be late!
Troi:
I'm sensing anger and great ire.
Computer:
Alert! Alert! The ship's on fire!
Picard:
The ship's on fire? How could this be?
Who lit the fire?
Riker:
Not me.
Worf:
Not me.
Picard:
Computer, how long till we die?
Computer:
Eight minutes left to say goodbye.
Data:
May I suggest a course to take?
We could, I think, quite safely make
extinguishers from tractor beams,
and stop the fire, or so it seems...
Geordi:
Hurray! Hurray! You've saved the day!
Again I say, hurray! Hurray!
Picard:
Mr. Data, thank you much.
You've saved our lives, our ship, and such.
Troi:
We still must save the Indran planet-
Data:
Which, by the way, is made of granite...
Picard:
Enough, you android. Please desist.
We understand-we get your gist.
But can we get our ship to go?
Please, make it so, please make it so.
Geordi:
There's sabotage among the wires,
and that's what started all the fires.
Riker:
We have a saboteur? Oh, no!
We need to go! We need to go!
Troi:
We must seek out the traitor spy,
and lock him up, and ask him why?
Worf:
Ask him why? How sentimental.
I say give him problems dental.
Troi:
Are any Romulan ships around?
Have scanners said that they've been found?
Or is it Borg or some new threat
that we haven't heard of yet?
I sense no malice in this crew.
Now what are we supposed to do?
Crusher:
Captain, please, the Indrans need us.
They cry out, Help us, clothe us, feed us!
I can't just sit and let them die!
A doctor must attempt-must try!
Picard:
Doctor, please, we'll get there soon.
Crusher:
They may be dead by Tuesday noon.
*Commercial break, commercial break.
How long will these dumb ads take?*
Worf:
The saboteur is in the brig.
He's very strong and very big.
I had my phaser set on stun-
A zzzip! A zzzap! Another one!
He would not budge, he would not fall.
He would not stun, no, not at all!
He changed into a stranger form,
all soft and purple, round and warm.
Picard:
Did you see this, Mr. Worf?
Did you see this creature morph?
Worf:
I did and then I beat him fairly,
hit him on the jaw-quite squarely.
Riker:
My commendations, Klingon friend!
Our troubles now are at an end.
Crusher:
Now let's get our ship to fly, and orbit yonder Indran sky!
Picard:
LaForge, please tell me we can go...?
Geordi:
Yes, sir, we can.
Picard:
Then make it so!
Author Unknown
Comments
A new classic. [img]http://216.15.145.59/mainforums/smile.gif[/img]
"Gandalf, Gandalf! Take the ring!
I am too small to carry this thing!"
"I can not, will not hold the One.
You have a slim chance, but I have none.
I will not take it on a boat,
I will not take it across a moat.
I cannot take it under Moria,
that's one thing I can't do for ya.
I would not bring it into Mordor,
I would not make it to the border."
-excerpt from Dr. Suess's FOTR.
That came from [url="http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=6ed846f9018a3db1ecace4c9ea25e981&threadid=138905&perpage=50&pagenumber=1"]here[/url].
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[url="http://www.minbari.co.uk/log12.2263/"]Never eat anything bigger than your own head.[/url]
"Nonono...Is not [i]Great[/i] Machine. Is...[i]Not[/i]-so-Great Machine. It make good snow cone though." - Zathras
------------------
-General Edor Crespin
Captain of the [url="http://crespin.xwlegacy.net"]SSD [i]Shadowkeeper[/i][/url]
Commander of Amethyst Squadron
We live here on Bab'lon 5
to keep our last great hope alive.
So far, it seems, since Season One,
The war of Shadows has begun.
So victory now is what we need
if Bab'lon Five is to succeed!
This Minbari, she's Delenn.
She speaks in riddles now & then.
She has a bone upon her head.
She'd rather have some hair instead.
Delenn:
"Hi there! Ho there! My old friend!
It's nice to see you once again.
Come, let's talk of Councils Gray,
And Crystal candles as we pray.
I live here on Bab'lon Five
To keep our last great hope alive."
This is Delenn's friend, Lennier.
You may ask, "Why is he here?
He looks familiar! I know his face!
He used to be on 'Lost in Space'!".
Just like her, he's real verbose,
And smells like fish-heads when you're up close.
Londo:
"I am Londo, tall and proud!
(though some might say that I'm too loud!)
I'm Centauri, so you see.
My hair defies all gravity.
We Centauri will someday rule.
(Actually, we're just a tool.
The Shadows really run the game.
Alas! Such is the price of fame!)
I like women, game, and drink.
I drink and drink 'till I can't think!
I live here on Bab'lon Five
To keep my ego hopes alive.
This is my assistant, Vir."
Vir:
"I would like--"
Londo: "Get out of here!"
This green lizard is G'Kar.
He has come from very far.
G'Kar:
"I'm not a lizard! I'm a Narn!
Time is crucial! I must warn!
We're all in danger! Londo's nuts!
His henchmen shadows kicked our butts!
They've driven us down to our knees!
Send lawyers, guns and money, please!
Ion cannons! Ruby lasers!
Even dusty Star Trek phasers!"
This is Kosh. He gives me creeps!
He barely speaks, just whirrrs & beeps.
Kosh:
*clakkity* *clakkity*!! *whirrr* *buzz* Beep!
"You've always been here!" *ka-chunk* *gleep*!
He always says that in fog-like scenes.
I still don't know just what it means!
He wears that suit to hide from us.
Does he wear it on the bus?
Garibaldi:
"They're all guilty! Every one!
I'll bust 'em up to have some fun!
I'll bring in those bad beserkers,
All those liars, thieves and lurkers."
He's my Chief Security.
Testosterone flows in him free.
He's pretty edgy. I know why.
Since Mars was home, well, he's been dry.
He's really hyper, so I think.
But imagine if he had a drink!
This is Susan--
Ivanova:
"As you were!
I'm Ivanova! And call me 'Sir'!
I'm delicate, on one small side,
But touch me and I'll tan your hide!
And though to you I might appeal,
I once faked sex to clinch a deal.
So stand your post and keep your ground,
Or, I promise, you I'll pound."
Meet the Doctor. He stays up late,
And works for forty hours straight!
Dr. Franklin:
"I heal aliens, those are my jobs.
Humans and Martians, Reptiles and Blobs!
Wozzles and Snangles and Bug-eyed Kertunkers!
Yellow-faced insects with Red-winged Dondunkers!
Centauri! Mimbari! Vorlons and Narn!
I'd even help creatures made out of yarn!
So I will stay living on Bab'lon Five
To keep all these strange little creatures alive!"
Talia's a telepath.
She once followed in our path.
But a time-bomb in her mind
Has made her evil and unkind.
It's doubtful she can be our friend.
Our trust in her is at an end.
The Psi-corp has a man named Bester.
He could be labled "Mind Molester".
He's evil, mean, and nasty, too!
He can read the thoughts of you.
We must give him credit, tho.
He drove a starship years ago.
Bester:
"I've known your kind and what to do.
So I'll be back. Be seeing you."
This man Morden, standing here.
He is one that you should fear.
He has shadows for his brothers.
He doesn't play so well with others.
---
So that's my story. It's lonely here.
We're so far out, there is no beer.
I'm stuck out here on Bab'lon Five
To keep our last great hope alive.
I'm stuck out here, it's just not fair!
It's all the fault of that Sinclair!
He bailed out, I took the fall,
And now he won't return my call!
But...
It could be worse, it's just five years.
Or I could have Ferengi ears.
And when all is said and done,
I'm not Harlan Ellison!
[b]That's so well written! [img]http://216.15.145.59/mainforums/biggrin.gif[/img]
"Gandalf, Gandalf! Take the ring!
I am too small to carry this thing!"
"I can not, will not hold the One.
You have a slim chance, but I have none.
I will not take it on a boat,
I will not take it across a moat.
I cannot take it under Moria,
that's one thing I can't do for ya.
I would not bring it into Mordor,
I would not make it to the border."
-excerpt from Dr. Suess's FOTR.
That came from [url="http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=6ed846f9018a3db1ecace4c9ea25e981&threadid=138905&perpage=50&pagenumber=1"]here[/url].
[/b][/quote]
I did write up a Robert Jordan version on that board.
------------------
Talk is silver, but violence is gold.