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Trying to bring balance and humor back to the boards:
Konrad
Ranger
in Zocalo v2.0
Since cynical close-minded rhetoric believing socialists seem to be dominating, if not hijacking, these boards I though I would poke some clean fun that targets no person specifically.
This is an attempt to bring some balance to the boards so I don't feel like packing up and leaving. I'm getting tired of all the Capitalist and America bashing so without further ado some clean fun that insults no individual:
Q: How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, fifty to establish the state production quota, two hundred militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously order an American light bulb.
Q: How many armies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: At least five. The Germans to start it, the French to give up without really trying, the Italians to start, get nowhere and try again from the other side, the Americans to finish off the job and then claim credit for the whole thing, and the Swiss to pretend that nothing happened.
Q: How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?
A1: Six. One to screw it in and five to share the experience.
A2: None -- they screw in hot tubs!
Q: How many Feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: That's not funny!!!
Q: How many liberals does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Five. One to screw it in and four to screw it up.
Q: How many Marxists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None: The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
Q: How many stoners does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Woah dude, so that's where the light comes from!
Q: How many Zen Masters does it take to change a light bulb?
A1: A tree in a golden forest.
A2: Two. One to change and one not to change.
A2a: "One to change and one not to change" is fake Zen. The true Zen answer is "Four. One to change the bulb."
A3: Three. Two to fetch the wood and one to enlighten the novice.
Q: How many women with PMS does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three.
Q.: Why?
A.: BECAUSE IT JUST DOES -- OKAY?
Q: How many middle managers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: I'll have to get back to you on that.
Q: How many computer programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Sorry, that's a hardware problem!
Q: How many committee members does it take to change a light bulb?
A: This topic was resumed from last week's discussion, but is incomplete pending resolution of some action items noted in the minutes. It will be continued next week. Meanwhile...
Q: How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
This is an attempt to bring some balance to the boards so I don't feel like packing up and leaving. I'm getting tired of all the Capitalist and America bashing so without further ado some clean fun that insults no individual:
Q: How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, fifty to establish the state production quota, two hundred militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously order an American light bulb.
Q: How many armies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: At least five. The Germans to start it, the French to give up without really trying, the Italians to start, get nowhere and try again from the other side, the Americans to finish off the job and then claim credit for the whole thing, and the Swiss to pretend that nothing happened.
Q: How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?
A1: Six. One to screw it in and five to share the experience.
A2: None -- they screw in hot tubs!
Q: How many Feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: That's not funny!!!
Q: How many liberals does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Five. One to screw it in and four to screw it up.
Q: How many Marxists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None: The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
Q: How many stoners does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Woah dude, so that's where the light comes from!
Q: How many Zen Masters does it take to change a light bulb?
A1: A tree in a golden forest.
A2: Two. One to change and one not to change.
A2a: "One to change and one not to change" is fake Zen. The true Zen answer is "Four. One to change the bulb."
A3: Three. Two to fetch the wood and one to enlighten the novice.
Q: How many women with PMS does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three.
Q.: Why?
A.: BECAUSE IT JUST DOES -- OKAY?
Q: How many middle managers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: I'll have to get back to you on that.
Q: How many computer programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Sorry, that's a hardware problem!
Q: How many committee members does it take to change a light bulb?
A: This topic was resumed from last week's discussion, but is incomplete pending resolution of some action items noted in the minutes. It will be continued next week. Meanwhile...
Q: How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
Comments
A: Twelve. Four to form a Parliamentary study committee to decide how to solve the problem, one Francophone to complain that I didn't translate this joke into French, one Native Canadian to protest that the interests of Native Canadians have been overlooked, one woman from the National Action Committee On the Status Of Women to say that women have been underrepresented in the process, one to go over the border to the Niagara Falls Factory Outlet Mall and buy a new bulb and not pay duty on it on the way back, one to actually screw it in, one to collect taxes on the whole procedure so the government can afford it, one to buy a case of Molson for everybody to drink, and one to drop the puck.
Feel free to add more bright (cough) jokes, as long as no person or individual is targeted, lets realy try and keep things light (chough), clean, and funny for a change.
Q: How many Zen Masters does it take to change a light bulb?
A1: A tree in a golden forest.
A2: Two. One to change and one not to change.
A2a: "One to change and one not to change" is fake Zen. The true Zen answer is "Four. One to change the bulb."
A3: Three. Two to fetch the wood and one to enlighten the novice.
[/quote]
I disagree with answer 3. It should be "Four." You forgot to count the Novice [img]http://216.15.145.59/mainforums/biggrin.gif[/img]
A: Two, but no one knows how they got in there...
Q: How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?
A1: Six. One to screw it in and five to share the experience.
A2: None -- they screw in hot tubs!
[/quote]
huh ?
screw in a hot tub... [img]http://216.15.145.59/mainforums/wink.gif[/img]
so I'm a stickler for consistency :/
A: Any number from 1 to all of them...they excel at screwing things up [img]http://216.15.145.59/mainforums/smile.gif[/img]
A: 102 - 1 nit-wit to write the manual, 50 to decifer what the manual means. 1 nit-wit to screw it in. 50 more to fix the problems caused by the one who screwed it in.
P.S. - I hate ATI drivers and help info...they are completly worthless and broken...
[b]Q: How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two, but no one knows how they got in there...[/b][/quote]
This is the ultimate Light Bulb joke IMHO...
[img]http://216.15.145.59/mainforums/biggrin.gif[/img]
The tao that can be tar(1)ed
is not the entire Tao.
The path that can be specified
is not the Full Path.
We declare the names
of all variables and functions.
Yet the Tao has no type specifier.
Dynamically binding, you realize the magic.
Statically binding, you see only the hierarchy.
Yet magic and hierarchy
arise from the same source,
and this source has a null pointer.
Reference the NULL within NULL,
it is the gateway to all wizardry.
------------------
[url="http://www.minbari.co.uk/log12.2263/"]Never eat anything bigger than your own head.[/url]
"Nonono...Is not [i]Great[/i] Machine. Is...[i]Not[/i]-so-Great Machine. It make good snow cone though." - Zathras
------------------
[b]4 Thousand Throats can be cut in one night by a running Warrior[/b]
A: 1. Just turn on the lightsaber.
And now that balance has been brought back to the force...er...board we can move on [img]http://216.15.145.59/mainforums/biggrin.gif[/img]
[b]Q: How many Zen Masters does it take to change a light bulb?
A1: A tree in a golden forest.
A2: Two. One to change and one not to change.
A2a: "One to change and one not to change" is fake Zen. The true Zen answer is "Four. One to change the bulb."
A3: Three. Two to fetch the wood and one to enlighten the novice. [/b][/quote]
This reminds me of another classic joke:
Q: What did the Zen Master say to the hotdog vender?
A: "One with everything."
None, they just sit in the dark and *itch about it.
Why don't blondes breast feed?
It hurts when they boil their nipples.
How do you tell if a blonde is getting smarter?
Black roots
[This message has been edited by psyco (edited 10-28-2002).]
None, what a travesty to burn fossil fuels in powerstations when we can burn oil lamps in which we use plant based oils, because we dont want to hurt any animals to make tallow candles, and we shouldnt really be working or playing in the dark anyway because that means we arent in the cycle of light and dark from the sun and thats against Gaias way and I guess I really should be eating the oil instead because my vegan diet has turned me into a mole covered walking cadaver...
(me ? got a problem with psychotic superdark greenies ? perish the thought [img]http://216.15.145.59/mainforums/biggrin.gif[/img] )