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Giving up the game....

TridentTrident Ranger
in Zocalo v2.0
I have just decided to give up on just about everything I do.
I can't fly because there is no more people flying.
I can't play any other game because I just suck at them.
I can't make ships because there is no games people play and no one likes what I make.
I can't follow any dream because they cost too much.
I can't go to college because of work and money.
I can't find a good job because of no college, no money, no "offical" experience

I tried desperatly on multiple games to become "half way" decent, but when every player targets you first because you are the worst one, the games no longer cease to be fun.

Every day I just swear god hates me more because everything I love has been taken away. My flying, my ship building, my wife, my daughter. Life continues to be harder on everyone, and nothing being done about it. Hell even suicide isn't even worth trying.

Pretending every day to be happy isn't helping. The drugs that the doctors have just make it worse. Can't go out because it costs too much money to even get food anymore.

I'm about ready to just drop the internet, phone, tv, just to disappear because it just really doesn't matter to anyone what happens to me or anyone else. I know everyone has their "problems" and people have it worse, but I have no faith or hope left for the future for any type of happyness what so ever.

How can someone be happy when the only things that has ever made him happy, and searched frantically to find nothing else does, involves other people but no one cares for it anymore?

I know you people are sick of my "moods". I'm sorry for it, but seeing how things are falling apart around everyone, I can't shake it much longer. I hate the world around me. I hate being stuck because of what the worlds standards are which I cannot achive. I hate the fact that my memory is getting worse every day, and not a damn doctor has helped me, only gave me drugs that I tell them make it worse. I hate the fact that I've spent so much money to try to help myself, but things only get worse. All I got is the memories of what made me happy, and thoes are fading fast.

This is my final post. I hope you all have a great life. And I hope god won't punish you like he has me. Goodbye. And no, I'm not ending my life, just disappearing off the net for good. Saying goodbye to the only life I had left that used to make me happy.

Comments

  • DarthCaligulaDarthCaligula Elite Ranger
    I hope you change your mind about leaving this board. I know that sometimes my posts to you haven't always been the kindest, but I never meant any real cruelty from it, I guess it's just the way I say things.
    I personally don't think that your posts like this are bad or boring or whatever. I know what it's like to feel alone (though not nearly as bad as you it seems) and to not have anyone to talk to, but I don't really have any advice to give you. I just don't know what to say about these sort of things and have also learned not to talk about my problems since I've just bored everyone to death with them that I've opened up to.
    I don't seem to remember you talking about flying. Do you mean flying planes for real? I've only ridden in planes a few times in my life.
    As for your job and college and stuff. I really don't have any idea what to say. I've got nothing in terms of advice for that. I also don't really know what the hell I should do, just that I should try to find something that makes me happy.
    I truely do hope that you don't end up leaving us.
  • croxiscroxis I am the walrus
    *leaves the light on*
  • PSI-KILLERPSI-KILLER Needs help
    Trident just take a chill pill. Getting a job is really just law of averages, after enough interviews you will always get a yes, it just takes persistance. Say after 25 interviiws you are gaurenteed 2 yes's just because you did the interview. You have to think positive too, if you are thinking negative you are channeling all that negative energy and you become you own worst enemy. With the game thing I would also say you have to be persistant to get better. I think i went through at least 25 jobs before I found one i like. It does take time to know what you really want to do. Good Luck what ever you decide!!!!
  • ShadowDancerShadowDancer When I say, "Why aye, gadgie," in my heart I say, "Och aye, laddie." London, UK
    Trident: I guarantee you won't be gone for long. Why? Because the beer is in the fridge and the nuts are all over the place! ;) You can never leave [i]that[/i] behind!

    Seriously tho, we will always be here and the porch light will always be on to welcome you back
  • ChaosedChaosed Ranger
    When I get depressed I just get too bored. Then I do something. Something that is free if I have a say. Otherwise my friends pay if they want me to go along. They almost always do.

    I got to get out to do the cash for cans. :( Hay, it pays for going out.
  • FreejackFreejack Jake the Not-so-Wise
    Trident,

    Never feel like your moods are a bother to us. On the wholewe are quite a moody bunch ourselves. Please, alway feel welcome to confide in this group.

    By the way you describe it, it does sound like time to step away from the net. Happiness will not be found in any game, online or other. It can be entertaining, but will not bring you happiness. I don't know where you live, but I'd suggest a solitary, outdoor activity like hiking or fishing. Somewhere you can get away to your own thoughts, without the noise and flash of the internet.

    Any never give up hope on your dreams, there are always ways. College is never out of reach, there are lots evening programs for people who work full time and student loans are nothing to be afraid of.

    Jake
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