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bored...
Lord Refa
Creepy, but in a good way
in Zocalo v2.0
So I thought I'd write a short story.. But too many ideas of sorts..
Which one should I start with?
Story ideas…
Kid gets shot in the head, goes into a coma, ends up in a surreal nightmare fantasy world, saves it and fades away in the end, gives hope of survival but in the end the kid dies.
Young kid wondering around Taipei after sundown, wearing a mouth cover and just doing normal stuff, young girl wants to help the mute boy but gets killed in the end by the boy who is a vampire without the lower jaw.
Man cant fall asleep so he goes for a walk in the city, sees lots of crimes being done and crazy things happen, in the end, he was just bored as hell in a supermarket cashier queue.
Sci-fi story that ends on a global nuclear holocaust and a happy ending.
Three creatures meet in northern Finland during winter to enjoy the night life.
One writer/reporter tracks a serial killer into northern Finland during winter.
One serial killer goes through a town in northern Finland during winter.
Those last three take place in the same town during the same three days. I have a fixation on the number three.
Blah.. They all seem so regular and like they had been done before. Pff.. Where are my original ideas? Why can't I think of something new..
Which one should I start with?
Story ideas…
Kid gets shot in the head, goes into a coma, ends up in a surreal nightmare fantasy world, saves it and fades away in the end, gives hope of survival but in the end the kid dies.
Young kid wondering around Taipei after sundown, wearing a mouth cover and just doing normal stuff, young girl wants to help the mute boy but gets killed in the end by the boy who is a vampire without the lower jaw.
Man cant fall asleep so he goes for a walk in the city, sees lots of crimes being done and crazy things happen, in the end, he was just bored as hell in a supermarket cashier queue.
Sci-fi story that ends on a global nuclear holocaust and a happy ending.
Three creatures meet in northern Finland during winter to enjoy the night life.
One writer/reporter tracks a serial killer into northern Finland during winter.
One serial killer goes through a town in northern Finland during winter.
Those last three take place in the same town during the same three days. I have a fixation on the number three.
Blah.. They all seem so regular and like they had been done before. Pff.. Where are my original ideas? Why can't I think of something new..
Comments
second one is you
third one kinda sounds like the machinist.
If its a nuclear holocaust how could it be a happy ending? lol
That said I always wanted to write something like that the ending being the most vivid thing of course.
Ya know they're sittin around they see the flaming shards storming down. Its the end and one of em says "So...Does anyone know any polish jokes?" THEN BLAM HAHAHAHAHAHAHA shit.
I like the 3 creature idea you can do alot with that...
You can do alot with the serial killer bits too but you have to decide on narration and such. I've never tried it but you might want to try blurring the line, cause really whose following who?
About the three last ones, they are all their own narrations and well, the killer guy is a bit of a vampiric in nature as well as those three other blokes.
And about the third one.. You never wanted to kill the sweet old lady in front of you at the queue when shes started emptying those pennis to pay for a 100 euro grocery or when she starts complaining how in her day bla bla bla...
So it came to pass one day that Mr. 'Roach, a proud member of the Blattella asahinai family, got utterly and fully tired of the bad PR they had been getting on the mammalian press in the past recorded history. He was not the smartest of his family, but by Sole he would be the bravest of them.
He prodded his family of two thousand and said hearty goodbyes to all his wives and left on his way.
He had lived only in a small apartment all his life but he was determined to make it big in the big world, and so he bravely went off to the great unknown.
For a week he wandered towards his great destiny, to finally get the humanoids understand them.. to know that they have feelings and needs as well and that their two great species could learn to live together among each other without the constant threat of death on either side.
During his joyrney he met many a strange creature and was caught in many wonderfull adventures. He learned of new and exciting inventions as well as ways to generally improve the conditions of his fellow blattella.
He was so full of joy and pride by the time he had reached the other side of the city that he was certain of his future success.
I can't wait to get back to my family to share this all with them, he thought to himself as he entered a homely looking hostel to have some rest and maybe a bit to bite on.
Go right in upstairs said the friendly vermin waiting at the door and so in he went.
He crawled up to the third floor following a scent he noticed, and there he found a true treasure just waiting to be picked. He ate with good appetite and was going for a nap when he stumbled and fell down a long canyon.. Suddenly the earth started to tremble and he was thrown away by a ghostly wind and down to the hard marbles of the room.
What is this he screamed and tried to find the source of his discomfort.. but before he knew it there was a great big wooden finger of Sole hurtling down on him from the skies.
He barely missed it and was running away in horror and trying to appeal to the good of the unknown assailant. He begged for his life and cried out who would take care of the children but to no avail..
The last thing he saw in life was the Great Sole ascending down from heavens on him.
On his last moment he only had time to think what could have been if he had managed to finish his quest and find peace between the two races, but then his heart and hopes were crushed all together.
He crawled around in the dark for some time.. unable to pass on yet, still so utterly devastated by the sudden end until he saw the light..
And there it was when the angels arrived down on him and started singing:
La cucaracha, la cucaracha
Ya no puede caminar
Porque le falta, porque no tiene
Marijuana que fumar.
[url]http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=144203907&blogID=245110740&MyToken=d667da16-b145-44f2-ad6d-342a60db5e82[/url]
I dunno, the style of the story reminds me of a cross between Kenneth Grahame and Lewis Carrol, I see potential, but you need to work on it.
Also. Dont do it just because youre bored or youre seeking attention, do it because you want to. Its much better that way. :)
Last, for me, it needs depth, develop the character and describe the events he goes through, dont just write that they happened.
And dont stop. :)
He prodded his family of two thousand and said hearty goodbyes to all his wives and left on his way. (you might want to go in depth about what the family thinks? Is there xenophobia?)
He had lived only in a small apartment all his life. He was determined to make it big in this monstrous world, and so he bravely went off to the great unknown.
For a week he wandered off towards his great destiny, to finally acquire understanding from the humanoids. To search their feelings and needs as well and that their two great species could learn to live together among each other without the constant threat of death on either side.
During his joyrney(journey) he met many a strange creature and was caught in many wonderful adventures. He learned of new and exciting inventions. As well as ways to generally improve the conditions of his fellow blattella. ( What are those adventures?)
He was so full of joy and pride by the time he had reached the other side of the city that he was certain of his future success.
I can't wait to get back to my family to share this all with them, he thought to himself as he entered a homely looking hostel to have some rest and maybe a bit to bite on.
"Go right in upstairs." said the friendly vermin waiting at the door. So, in he went.
He crawled up to the third floor following a scent he noticed, and there he found a true treasure just waiting to be picked. He ate with good appetite and was going for a nap when he stumbled and fell down a long canyon. (is this a metaphor or is he actually going down a long canyon?). Suddenly the earth started to tremble and he was thrown away by a ghostly wind and down to the hard marbles of the room.
"What is this!" he screamed and tried to find the source of his discomfort. Before he knew it there appeared a great big wooden finger of Sole(what is sole!) hurtling down on him from the skies.
He had barely missed it and ran away in horror. Trying to appeal to the good of the unknown assailant. He begged for his life and cried out, "Who would take care of the children!" But to no avail.
The last thing he saw in life was the Great Sole(sole?) descending from the heavens on him.
On his last moment he only had time to think of what might have been. Perhaps he could have found peace between the two races? Then his heart and hopes were crushed all together.
He crawled around in the dark for some time. Unable to pass on yet (to the great beyond?). Still so utterly devastated by the sudden end until he saw the (add an adjective)light..
And there it was (and so it was?) when the angels arrived down on him and started singing:
La cucaracha, la cucaracha
Ya no puede caminar
Porque le falta, porque no tiene
Marijuana que fumar.[/QUOTE]
it got my attention but I like to read so...I give ya -3 for strangeness...Grammar needs some work I tried to correct what I thought I could. I'm not an english major nor have a degree but whats the Dominant Impression? I see you now have an update. Take what you will from it but don't use but too much.
I do have one slightly more ambitious story that I am writing now.. It was one of my story ideas. Sort of. heh. A bit of sci-fi without any flying saucers or such, just one very big invention.
That story about the roach I wrote in about five mins or less after shower yesterday morning. The "improved" version took another five mins or so as well. I have dislike for it just like any other creation of mine. But it's just a slightly longer gag anyway..
I used to write a lot more when I was younger, by hand.. but I just burned or trashed all of them.
I like to write.. it's just I dont usually have anyone to correct my language or give me help to improve on the story and writing style..